Most of you who read my blog are following me on twitter and joining the movement that is taking place to spread the truth about the enemy's lies and plans to weasel his way into your lives one slimy little finger at a time. I have found that insecurity and greed are often the root problems causing people to fall into sexual sin. You first think your problems are small. A few negative words spoken over your life won't cause too much harm or will it? I've heard several people's stories and even taking my own into account I found that insecurity was the source of their issues. It all starts around; let's say the sixth grade and for some it starts earlier. There are kids making fun of you or your parents are saying you will never mount up to anything and so you make your first mistake. You let those words cut you deep.
You take them to heart and start looking for acceptance in all the wrong places. We'll use my biggest struggle as an example. In fourth grade I overheard these girls talking about how much fun they had at this birthday party. These were the same girls I invited a month earlier to mine and I felt hurt that I hadn't been invited. I listened into what they were talking about and it was then where I was introduced to masturbation. At nine years old I didn't know what it was, but I then went home to later "experiment" so that I would feel accepted, but as I experimented I learned a new feeling - the feeling of greed. It made ME feel good. I felt remorse after, but I never heard it talked about in the church. As time went on it had become an addiction, an addiction that had a death grip on my life for many, many years. I couldn't sleep without it and as I got older it wasn't satisfying enough for me. I wanted to be loved, loved in all of the wrong places that is.
All of my relationships started out as a few months of getting to know each other and then that went out the door and the relationships found a new foundation to be built upon - sex. With the first guy I would never let myself go all the way. I still felt remorse. I didn't want that in the relationship, but I couldn't stop it because I was pulled in two different directions. One direction told me this is wrong, the other lied to me saying this is love and that I want to feel "good." As I broke free from that relationship after too many fights and broken hearted nights I eventually found myself in another. It started out innocent like the first, but again a couple months later I was in the same situation as the first and a couple months after that I was in deeper. I felt pressured to give myself away, but as I engaged more and more in sex I began to numb myself to life around me so that I didn't have to feel. As a couple months passed several areas in my life crumbled at my feet. I began to become even more severely depressed than I already was and I was so stressed I developed many sicknesses and I had lost several pounds that I needed.
I had become hysterical when that boyfriend had broken up with me right before my birthday. I had already lost all of my family and friends and here I felt as if I had no one left. I had always hung onto a quote I had made up back when I was going through hard times previously: "If you feel as if you have nothing left, remember that you still have hope." Here I was still bounded by lust and for the first time in my life I didn't even feel like I had hope left. After getting into another toxic relationship and that one also burning to the ground I had given up. Slowly but surely I got back onto the right course - the straight and narrow. I was pulled by a friend I was living with and then as life went along I felt a little more like myself, but it was painful. I had numbed myself from so much and hadn't dealt with anything that all of it came flooding back to me at once. I was still dealing with sexual addictions, but I had gained hope. I was then pushed by another friend and I found myself in the word and praying to God once again. It wasn't easy. I didn't want to do it, but He broke the chains after I learned of His strength and the authority that he had given me.
I had hope and I began to recognize the game of the enemy. Listen up, precious ones, the enemy is a liar and his game is trickery. Don't be a product of his foolery. If it doesn't line up with God's word DON'T listen to it. Temptation only has as much power as you give it. If you feed temptation it grows, but if you starve it it dies. You have to uproot the greed and insecurity of your life because if you leave the roots the plant is always going to grow back. Kill all of it and listen to God's will. Use God's word as your shield. Spit scriptures and don't let the enemy intimidate you into silence. Do NOT give up.
Romans 5:3-4 - "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."
