Rationalized

    I made a mistake this past weekend and without going into any details I can reassure you that I never want to do what I did ever again in my life time. I had a taste of something so bitter and compared to the sweetness of a life dedicated to God it tastes worse than just that. It tastes more like poison, a substance that is out there to steal, kill, and destroy a life and I don't mean those three words because it's in the Bible and widely used to describe what the devil set out to do because in reality anything negative that would screw you up is what he is going to throw at you no matter what form and no matter what way. He wants to ruin you and put you on a path that leads to death. Even though I feel as if I am being extremely religious by some of these "churchy" terms it is absolutely valid for the situation at hand. I attempted to rationalize in doing what I did letting extroversion get the best of me.

    Most of you don't know me that well. Actually pretty much all of you don't know me that well. I'm a wild child...sort of. I have a desire to go against the norm which has been a good thing for me, but sometimes I fall into doing it and going for it anyway because it's fun or at least it appears that way. In reality the things of this world are attached with hurt, brokeness, foolishness, and pain which eventually brings death. I'm headstrong and determined which can be a bad thing or it can be a good thing. Sometimes I have let it get the best of me, but when I realize it I try to make lemonade out of lemons. I've been through so much and I know without a shadow of a doubt for me to still be here is nothing short of a miracle.

    I thank God that I'm an analytical person and that I keep finding myself running back to Him no matter what season I just walked through. My story is long. It's more than intense; it's reality. I'm still writing the chapters of my life and I want the next chapters coming up to be about something more than just a broken life. I want those broken chapters to turn into beautiful chapters. I want my hurt and pain to produce more than just scars. My story isn't over yet just because I made a wrong decision; it's just beginning because I'm taking my wrong decision and making a right one in reply.