Too Many Fish in the Sea

    This is for all the single people who are always told, "There's plenty of fish in the sea." Truthfully, I'm one of the people who never really cared about romantic relationships in the realm that they weren't something I needed in my life. That's my problem; even though I have been in more relationships than I care to admit, I didn't care to understand them and I guess it took getting hit on this week by a 40 something year old "Christian", a girl, and a co-worker who is a little confused on what he believes for me to actually start caring and realizing that I should seek more of an understanding about relationships. I would have rather done without these awkward moments and somehow my backhanded nos don't seem sufficient enough for those situations. I really try to avoid them like a plague because they're so uncomfortable to me. I should not feel bad though for the beliefs that I hold onto: my belief in God, my belief in Jesus, and my belief in the Bible.

    However, I don't want to talk about everything that's biblically wrong with those three instances. Instead, I want to talk about when you know the one is "the one". I'm going to be honest in saying that I personally don't know if there is "the one" and would love to find out if there is, but I do know that when it's the right one you will be at peace but it's so much more than that. You can find the picture perfect man or woman who has everything, and I don't mean just in the physical realm; I mean they can take care of your emotional, mental, and maybe even spiritual needs, but if their God given purpose is not somehow parallel with yours then one of you two will end up sacrificing what God called you to do. There is also the big factor of being unequally yoked.

    2 Corinthians 6:14 says, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" My thoughts on this verse are that it goes further than being unequally yoked with an unbeliever. I believe you can be unequally yoked with a believer these days as well. We cannot pick and choose from the Bible what we want to believe; and unfortunately we have a lot of lukewarm believers who believe they can do that, but that's the exact thing that they are - simply believers and not doers. They have no substance and are weak in their faith. Revelation 3:16 says, "So, because you are lukewarm--neither hot nor cold--I am about to spit you out of my mouth." That is a bold statement, beloveds. We either obey Him or we perish, simple as that.

    So boldly put, not everyone is on the same path as you and they will end up pulling you away, intentionally or unintentionally from your relationship with God and your individual purpose. They are not on the same page and frankly, are not God's will for your life as a mature Christian. It will be the wreck of you if you try to make it so. Know that there wouldn't be a heaven if there were no hell, honey. Matthew 7:14 says that the road is narrow and there are very few people who find it. I'm sure that this also dwindles down any option of who you might think is "the one". Thank God. I have one last thought that I want to pose: Most of the time we pray asking God about things, but we forget that a lot of times His answer, instruction, and direction was already given. It's called the Bible, and how many of us who say that we're Christians actually read it and use it? So does what your potentials say and live match the Word of God? If the answer is no then honey, know that God's got better for you and that it will definitely be worth the wait.

When to Speak, and When to Be Silent

    Sometimes silence can be violent or diamonds and sadly, in a culture so consumed with social media, the line is becoming more and more blurred. I came across a tweet the other day from @SwedishCanary that said, "Never has a generation so diligently recorded themselves doing nothing." That hit home. It boggles my mind that so many can sit behind a screen and yell and scream and preach, but their lives are selling the opposite from sitting and staying stagnant. Over the past couple of months God has been stretching me more and more out of my comfort zone. That's a story and topic for another time. But my point is: are we really saying what we should be? So in this post I'm going to be speaking about when it's okay to speak and when it's okay to be silent.

    God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason, but I wonder how much we would contradict ourselves if He gave us two mouths. In a way, He did. Our second mouth is called our actions. They speak the loudest and they are what determines reactions. This day and age many have the habit of speaking without thinking and it often gets them into trouble. We have filters, but only on Instagram, pic apps, and Twitter. We rarely ever use them for our mouth. Speaking our opinions have become more like partitions than help. Knowing what to say can be more important than when to say it.

So what kind of things are okay to say? 

• Things that express encouragement. (Ephesians 4:29)
• Things that give thanks. (Ephesians 5:4)
• Things that answer gently. (Proverbs 15:4)
• Things that reply graciously. (Colossians 4:6)
• Things that declare truth. (Ephesians 4:24)
• Things that show courtesy. (Titus 3:2)
• Things that mouth righteousness. (Proverbs 12:6)

    There is a time and a place for everything, including your words. Seeking the Lord for discernment in when to say something is also important. Have you ever tried to resolve something with somebody who just wouldn't have it? It's a killer! When people are all riled up at least one, if not all of these three things happen:

1. They're not in the right state of mind. (We've all been here. We're so focused on being right that our state of mind becomes wrong. Our words can be right along with our intentions being wrong.)
2. Their filter is on defense mode. (We feel attacked so we're more concerned about sticking up for ourselves than openly hearing others out.)
3. They won't listen. (We heard what we thought we heard so we just want to speak instead of hearing them honestly.)

    Have you ever gone back to those types of conversations that didn't go well at first after your feelings dissipated? Conversations tend to go much better when you're not on fire. (James 1:19 - "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;") Learning to be silent than what to speak is a tougher feat. It draws me to people so much more when I can tell that they're pondering what was said instead of them piling up what to say. (This is something I definitely can work on.) It is a sign of wisdom to me; and it clearly was in the Bible as well. It even says the foolish man who is silent appears intelligent (Proverbs 17:28). There are so many other good things said in the Bible about those who are silent whose mind remains steadfast on the Lord. I definitely want to develop those characteristics.

These kind of people are:

• Understanding. (Problems 11:12)
• Wise. (Proverbs 29:11)
• Beautiful. (1 Peter 3:3-4)
• Peaceful. (Isaiah 26:3)
• Prudent. (Amos 5:13, Proverbs 10:19, Proverbs 12:23)

    Like I mentioned and demonstrated above, silence is a beautiful thing unless we're being silent about the truth. We are to speak what is true 100% of the time. In that case, let's NOT be silent and NOT back down. Let's NOT be intimidated into silence any longer. What do we have to lose in speaking the truth? I'm not going to say nothing. We will lose our fleshly desires, we will lose our comfort, we will lose our self-dependency, BUT we will NOT lose our souls. So today I encourage you to stand up and speak out now to whoever God lays on your heart!

7 Things God Taught Me About Relationships

    I'm not normally the type of person who would write these type of blog posts and I'm not a fan of mushiness. For example, the only way I'll ever watch a chick flick is if it's comedic. Don't get me wrong. I would love to be married and have a family of my own one day, but right now that isn't my top priority. My top priority would be focusing on my relationship with God. I've been asking Him to bring things to the surface, and He definitely did that by making me more self-aware of what I need healing in and what habits I've learned that I need to unlearn. So when I was thinking about how He loves me by doing that, I connected it with how a man should love a woman and vice versa. 

    Seven things on how God loves the church that should translate to how husbands/boyfriends should love their wives/girlfriends:

1.) God relentlessly pursues me.

• He doesn't give up on you even when you give up on Him. He runs to meet the prodigal son/daughter with arms wide open.
• How does this apply? Sometimes this means that the man reflects on where he is at and what he needs to work on (physically, spiritually, emotionally, and even socially) before he starts the chase,  and for a woman this can mean that she reflects on where she is at and what she needs to work on before she is caught. (You're not God. Get over it.) If you're not ready then it is not wise to get into a relationship. After God gives you the go ahead as a man then ask her out. Though I am not married, I know that this shouldn't stop after you are.

2.) God completely knows me.

• He already knows everything, but we're constantly changing and He keeps up with it. He knows every hair on our head, and knows when we lost one because of stress. He knows our past, present, and future. He knows why we do what we do and knows our intentions.
• How does this apply? From the standpoint of a woman, there is nothing more attractive than a man who expresses interest in everything there is to know about you (and if you're a man then you would know if this applies to how you feel). To take your time to become a student of all of her (his) likes and dislikes, to search out why she (he) does the little things that bug the crap out of you, to express interest in how her (his) day went, what means a lot to her (him), etc. speaks volumes. Our personalities are constantly changing so until the day you die you will be getting to know your partner more. If that doesn't sound appealing to you, stay single.

3.) God actively loves me.

• He doesn't just tell you that He loves you; He impact-fully and unconditionally shows you. When we pursue Him with the same passion in which He pursues us, we start to reflect holiness. He doesn't stop and wants to see you receive it.
• How does this apply? A lot of us know 1 Corinthians 13. We cannot do this without God in the center of any relationship. We must be willing to lay down our lives for the other person and make sacrifices. We are to be persevering, patient, kind, not jealous, boastful, or proud. We are to not behave rudely, seek our own, think evil, be provoked, and we are to rejoice in the truth. It sounds like a chore, doesn't it? Well when you truly know God, you truly know how to love and whether you know how will be a reflection in your actions.

4.) God gently leads me.

• He isn't a dictator. He is a a leader. He isn't a controller. He is an encourager, informing us that we have two options - the path of destruction or the path of life. He drops loving reminders (conviction) instead of pointing fingers (condemnation).
• How does this apply? This applies mostly to the men. This does not mean that you are superior to women. Men and women are to honor each other alike. A leader does not push a rope; he pulls it, leading by example. This is not based on my biases or other's. This is the dynamic God meant from the beginning of time. Ladies, there is a big difference between masculinity and manipulation. Masculinity is protective, not abusive. If he demands you should submit to him, especially before you're married then he does not know God's Word. He should gently and directly point you to the Word of God and then ladies, you should submit. Men, this means you are to lead spiritually. How can you do that at all if you aren't praying and reading God's Word faithfully? Take a stand and be a man. It is so very important for you to know each other's character, especially before you get married. It feels like a chore to love someone wholeheartedly who can't lead you in a marriage and to love someone who questions your every decision.  (Ephesians 5:22-33)

5.) God effectively helps me.

• He is our provider. When we are struggling He helps us by what He has given us in His living Word. When we are in need, He comes to our rescue. (Sometimes it's not in the physical realm, but rest assured that if it isn't then it is provision for you spiritually.)
• How does this apply? I don't want to come off as sexist, but in Ephesians 5 men are told to nourish and cherish their bride. This means spiritually (though as women we are to trust in God for this above man), emotionally, physically (when married), and financially is included in this. Timothy 5:8 is a scary verse for those who think that it's not. I have heard so many men deny this just so that they can have some excuse for being lazy, and in all fairness to the men; women, this does not give you permission to be a gold digger. When you marry a man, if he loses his job, are you willing to persevere for rich or for poor? Both genders are to try their hardest at everything no matter the "cost".

6.) God adamantly encourages me.

• He constantly will bring to remembrance how He sees you if you will take the time to listen. He says that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You're His beloved. You are the apple of His eye (and no one can take your place to Him) He made you unique and loves you in your own special way, as if you were the only one who ever existed to Him. He doesn't stop until you believe it.
• How does this apply? Ultimately our identity as men and women is to be found in Christ, but regarding relationships we are to encourage in the same manner. When your woman/man is feeling down be quick to build up their self-esteem. We find security in each other and don't go looking anywhere else for it when we feel confident in what our partner thinks. You can never give too much encouragement - ever. It has been said that when someone hurts you with their words, you need to be told the opposite of it ten times for you to actually believe it. P.S. Don't you dare go looking for it anywhere else if you're reading this feeling like you don't get enough encouragement. YOU make decisions based on no one else but YOU.

7.) God thoroughly listens to me.

• He doesn't just hear you. He listens to you. He wants to hear what you have to say and how you're feeling about the day. He is fully focused on you and you alone. If you have a request of Him, He will listen, though He won't always grant it. When He doesn't grant it just to please you, He is protecting you because He sees and knows the bigger picture.
• How does this apply? This is another big one. There is nothing sexier than someone listening to you intently by holding onto every word you say and relaying those words back to you. We all have been where we will hear a person, but not listen. Soak whatever it is they say in. Pray about problems. Receive restoration. Seek to understand and set goals together.

    I love and appreciate your feedback and thoughts, and just want to take the time to say thank you. So those are my two cents, or seven. Ha ha. Comment yours below:

Destructive Vs. Constructive Criticism

    Have you ever had somebody point out your flaws constantly whether it be your parent, sibling, friend, boyfriend/girlfriend, or husband/wife? That relationship got burdensome and you no longer enjoyed hanging around them; did you? You might be on the receiving end, or maybe you're on the giving end; but I bet that if you think you're the one on the receiving end then you've been on the giving end at least once. Have you ever had someone give you advice that you were so glad that you listened to it? Their words were refreshing to your ears and made you want to be around them more because you knew they cared about you and your well-being as a Christian. You see, there are two types of critics: destructive and constructive. I see so much confusion about this, especially in the Christian "world" in which we should be seeing less of it. Therefore, I would like to shed light on what it looks like to give both.

    Destructive criticism comes off as controlling. The receiving end will feel condemned and as if they can't do anything right. I'm not going to point out anyone in particular here except for myself. My first "serious" relationship in my teenage years I would constantly point out things he was or wasn't doing (whether they were sinful or just because I didn't like whatever it was that he did). I would start arguments unintentionally because I was frustrated and didn't know how to express how I was feeling. This was a result of unrighteously judging what he was doing and what other girls around him were doing, even if I was doing the same thing. It was as if spending so many years internalizing things made it all explode at once causing an even bigger mess than it would have if I had dealt with it right away, in the correct manner, no matter how painful it was. (Matthew 7:1-5 - "Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgement you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me remove the speck from your eye'; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.")

    Constructive criticism comes off as caring. The receiving end will feel convicted and encouraged to do what's right. This past Christmas I was in a situation where I just wanted to help a certain person. I had asked my daddy if I could invite them over for dinner, but then he asked me some questions about the circumstances and the person. After gaining an understanding, he told me gently that I can't trust everybody and though I just want to help people, some will try to take advantage of that. I knew that he cared for me and that he genuinely didn't want to see me get hurt so I listened. A month later I found out that his words rang true. I had made extremely careless decisions back then and I was grateful for that accountability. (Matthew 18:15-17 - "Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained a brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that 'by mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he refuses to hear them tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be like to you a heathen and a tax collector.")

    Though I didn't sin against my daddy, he still gave me constructive criticism based on my background. He is somebody who knows my heart, know my personality, and somebody who knows me. It's like our relationship with our Heavenly Father. He already knows us from the inside out, and we know as Christians, that God protects us and is for us. We know we truly have a relationship with God and trust Him when is commands look more like love than like rules to us. When we address Him by bringing our problems and flaws to Him we can always count on righteous judgement and on the right advice. It can be another story when it comes to people. We should always discern the intentions behind conversations and questions. Authentication? Bombination? Condemnation? Conviction? Pretension? Reconciliation? We need to keep in mind that the important thing is not that we are more willing to defend "men and women of God", including ourselves, because we're not perfect. The important thing is that we defend God (Jesus) at all costs, even though He doesn't need defending, but who we stick of for first is ultimately a reflection of who we're really trusting in to change us - ourselves, others, or the One true living God?