Escaped

    As 2011 comes to a close let us reflect back on it and although pondering all that 2011 brought us may be a painful and difficult matter it is important to know what you are leaving behind. Many people I have talked to said 2011 was an unpleasant year for them; unpleasant being the lightest of words used. I unfortunately don't know very many people that would love to replay what 2011 had retained. If you had a good year don't feel like you have to disengage because this may speak to you in a contradistinctive way. I'm going to tell you pieces of my story since this is a "diary" and everything and although I'm going to share a little more about myself I am going to do it without detail for some obvious and not so obvious reasons.

    This year had been a year full of unexpected changes for me. They were changes I never had asked for, then there were some that I felt forced to make, and then there were others that I had to make on my own. Many were ones that I am not proud of. They were ones made from a disengaged mind; a mind that was numbed from thinking straight, a mind that had transformed from caring to cynical, and a mind that was lost in how to make any sensable action to take. There were ones I could stop and ones that I couldn't no matter how hard I tried. I had wondered how ending 2010 so well could change into starting 2011 out so horribly, but now speculating with a clear mind I know what went so terribly wrong.

    It started out with making wrong choices: with people, with my state of mind, and even in my actions alone. Then there was an event that caused me to move three times in the past year. I never chose it and I pushed my emotions down because when I let them surface I felt a hurricane of vehemance. I didn't like that feeling one bit. Then another event happened in my life that literally caused me to lose all class I had once attained in being able to deal with people properly. The cynicism began to manifest even more so when putting myself in situations where I felt I needed to protect anything I had left. There were times when people took advantage of me and times where I recognized it and let them.

    I felt as if I was forced into positions where I couldn't escape the dirty feelings that took residence inside me. A couple more things happened to me that year that tore me apart and shook me to a place where desperation took over me. It's what I did with the pain that made a difference in my life and especially in making the past year somewhat better. As it comes to a close you have one day to make 2011 a year of remeberance. Choose to make it a year where you chose to deal with the pain in a positive way by knowing the things that happened happened for a reason. God's plan is meant for His good and no matter how grey things seem in the moment we will one day see how His plans fit together for our good.

Faithful

    No matter how far you run from God, He'll go that far to deliver you. Sometimes we don't understand why we go through what we do because it seems asinine and purposeless. It doesn't matter how hard we try to understand and grasp onto the things that we can't comprehend and especially the things we can't possibly see any good come from. We get frustrated and irritated at God because our tiny minds can't fathom how His plan can seem so cruel, but He doesn't mean for it to be cruel at all! He has a purpose that we may not see because our minds are so limited compared to His.  I've learned that if we aren't careful and if we meditate too long on what God has put in place no matter the depth of complication doubt can start to creep into our lives.

    We wouldn't develop the character we are supposed to. The definition of develop also means to prosper. Prospering is succeeding or to be enriched! He will begin to reveal the Word that changes the course of our destinies. It's easier for us to have faith in something we want to happen, but harder for us to have faith in things we desperately don't want to see or want to go through. I believe we have a tougher time accepting this especially because you can feel so careless about the situation because you start to grasp this concept. Truth is you're not being careless. You can care down to the depths of your heart and it can still afflict you while still being aware of the truth. Ecclesiastes 3:4 says, "There is a time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance."

    We have to be careful we don't sit in our pain too long. We don't want to miss out on the action God wants us to participate in. There may be other people out there hurting as much as you are and if you are sitting in your hurt you won't be able to help others with theirs. We need to be in constant prayer for those who are broken praying for our own brokenness as well in order for us to be healed from the things that knock us off our feet. I believe people need to pray for those who are hurting so they won't be lost in anger towards God in the midst of these situations. One day we will stand face to face with the One we call creator and we will have to give an account for all that we have done. That is when we will see how He fit all of those puzzle pieces together. Now is the time to start having faith in the seemingly impossible and thank God for these hopeless situations we face.

    "When I'm lost in the mystery to You my future is a memory because You're already there."
"One day I'll stand before you and look back on the life I've lived. I can't wait to enjoy the view and see how all the pieces fit"
"Standing at the end of my line waiting at the other side and You're already there."
 -Casting Crowns "Already There"

Re-purposed

    You may be sitting there today feeling lost, abandoned, and alone. Rest assured God is right by your side walking beside you through whatever type of rain that may be pouring on you. Whatever you are going through, whatever battles you face are to make you stronger. I want to speak to the brokenhearted respectively. You are not alone in your brokenness. Everyone out there has at least been broken apart once and if you don't see it then it is because they try to mask their pain or they were delivered from it. They either bury their pain within or they deal with it.What you choose to do with your broken heart is your choice.

    You can let it run your life or you can be in control of it. Broken hearts produce anger which produces bitterness which produces a hard heart and bitterness takes a lot of chiseling away at in order to make that heart soft again. Bitterness is like poison you aren't able to taste right away. You think that holding a grudge against someone will hurt them, but in all actuality it hurts you the most. It takes a lot to transform a bitter heart into something sweet. It takes a lot of adaptation to be able to think pure thoughts about the things that hurt you. You have to completely reshape the way your thinking and look for the best in everyone and when someone does something that offends you that is when you give it to God and meditate on pure things, but maybe you just feel broken.

    You may feel broken about the things you can't control, the person you can't change, or the revision of your life. Instead of sitting on those broken pieces of glass pick them up and throw them away. God won't just put those pieces back together because He doesn't want us to still be something with the cracks still there. Instead He takes those pieces, melts them down, and makes us a completely new vase from the very pieces that once were broken. We still remember how broken we once were, but we are now able to carry what He has for us. He re-purposes us, reshapes us, and heals us. Psalms 34:18 declares that, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit." He will comfort you and will save you from your pain.

    He won't leave your side when you enter a storm. He'll assist you in what you need to be able to get out of that storm safely and untouched. He isn't going to abandon you and tell you to fend for yourself. God does His part and we must do ours. We have to have faith that He'll deliver us. We need to believe that He is still there for us, that He'll guide us safely over the obstacles we come to, and that He will do everything in the timing that He knows is best to do it in. "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end," Ecclesiastes 3:11. We may not be able to see why we have to walk in the rain a little longer than we see fit, but when we reach the end we finally see the destination that He intended for us to arrive at that we wouldn't have seen if we ducked out of it in the way that seemed easiest for us.

    We have to remember that God knows best and that He will mold us into what His beautiful purpose is for our lives despite what hardship we have to get through to get there. Those hardships could produce something in us that might have not been there if we had it our way. We might miss a valuable lesson or we may miss out on an opportunity to tell others about our experience that may help them get through something in their lives. Whatever the reason it's there for one whether we think it beneficial or not. Anything that is of God's plan is for a greater purpose in which we can rest our hope in. So be encouraged to keep on fighting and try it with a good attitude this time. It's amazing what God does in our hearts when we thank Him in our time of need.

Directed

    God has a purpose for our lives. So why is it so hard for us to get in tune with God so that we may be able to know what His purpose is for our lives? It's because we're impatient, stubborn, lost, broken, unsure, disonnected, hurt, or several of these interwoven together, or something totally different than what I have mentioned. All of those are our reasons, our setbacks, our excuses because we don't see the goodness of His plan for our lives when in reality our plans are only going to hurt us or delay us. It puts us in a position where we could miss out on something He is telling us when His intent has never been to hurt us or confuse us, but to guide us into better decisions and greater things than anything we would have ever dreamed for ourselves.

    God is a BIG God and there is no way his dreams for our lives are ever going to be little or just average and even if His plans aren't what we expected for our lives it is not because He is out to get us, drive us insane, or make anxiety pierce through our hearts. It is because He has something already in store for us whether we can see it or not. There is beauty in the mystery of not knowing where you're headed because it produces a faith that can't be compared to anything else. The greatest elected are normally the least expected, but a lot of us just keep running from God and we all have our different reasons for it.

    Those reasons may be because we are not able to see our worth when we're worth so much. They may be because we are chasing something else when God is chasing us or we may be disconnected because we were hurt. We may be too afraid to step forward when all we're trying to do is protect ourselves. We may be getting rejected all because that rejection is God's way protecting us from something we do not see. We may be getting neglected because it's His way of telling us He will always acept us. We may be hearing no, no, no because it's His way of telling us that His timing is better or He has something else for us. We may feel like we're walking alone, but really the footprints were His because He carried us. God transforms our pain into gain even if we have been running.

    Just because we've ran away for so long doesn't mean He can't use us anymore. One day He'll use it to help others along if we let Him. I can be one of the most stubborn people in the world and some things have taken me way longer to get through my head than others because it usually was I wanted what I wanted and tried to pretend I didn't care about what He wanted, but every single time I turn back to God because I know He is what I really am looking for, not because it's easy because it sure hasn't been. You have to get over the pessimism all over again after escaping a situation like problematic ones of your past that you've gotten out of by choice, rejection, or compulsion. No matter what way you absconded the matter God can still use you.

    You may feel like the trash you've done is too abhorrent to be looked over or used, but that's not true. We have to believe that He can deliver us so that He may direct us where we're supposed to go. We have to be congruous to what He has for us. We need to listen. We need to trust in Him for what we're looking for. When we are looking for answers He won't ignore us. He will answer us in His timing with His answer. It may not be what we expected, but He is starting to point us in the direction we are supposed to walk. As long as we are continuing towards Him we are already in His will and that's when he will start revealing things to us.

Perseverance

    Ever sick of trying for the same thing over and over and over again? I'm sure we all are, especially if we are taking tumble after tumble in what we are trying for. The audience I'm aiming towards are the people who feel like a failure time and time again. A lot of times this applies to our walk with God. We think, "Oh I did it again! I'll never be good enough. This is the billionth time. I'm DONE trying." We have all had this mindset whether it was in your walk with God or whether it was just practicing your free throws for the game coming up. It's frustrating when you just can't get a hand on things, but keep in mind we all need help from a coach who knows his stuff better than we do every once in a while.

    If we are without someone to mentor us in the areas that we are just mediocre in then we'll never grow to be as successful in achieving our goal as we hope to be. Instead of sitting around waiting for things to get better we have to take action. I've learned that change requires action in order for something to be accomplished. If we truly want what we are striving for then there is no measure that won't be taken to reach the destination you want to be. It's nothing new to your ears, but "if you fail to plan, you plan to fail." We all need to have a blueprint of what we are aiming for in mind.

    If you are going to give up then you are always going to fail. So why quit? I believe I've mentioned this verse before, but Romans 5:3-5 says, "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. and hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” Perseverance produces great things! If we just call it quits because it hurts to keep falling then we are never going to rise up to our potential.

    We already know that we are going to suffer in our weakness so it is alleviating to know that it can produce something so beautiful from something that was once so ugly. We are always going to have weaknesses here and there, but when we let it produce perseverance then we can absorb even more great things from that alone. If we overlook our failure in a way where we learn from it and continue to get back up on our feet then it shows character: the kind that says you are stronger than you look, the kind that shows you're braver than you feel, and that very kind that makes you more courageous than you speak. Last but not least we all know from the verse that character produces hope. God is the source of ALL hope, that very hope that keeps us going. I find it strange that the verse mentions hope last.

    But if you take a look at the verse and meditate on it, really how ironic is it? You might be confused about the placement of jargon in Romans 5:3-5. Yes, if perseverance produces character and character hope, then perseverance can produce hope. Perseverance is persisting in a course of action, purpose, or belief; but hope is what keeps us going in that direction. I believe the placement of these words have a hidden meaning. Hope is what keeps us going and if we persevere then the hope that it produces is the hope that will make it easier for you to stay on that path. So the hope you can have now is the hope that things will get better and the hope you'll have after you actually persevere is that things will get easier as you keep on going. So remember when we feel as if we have nothing left remember that we still have hope.