Escaped

    As 2011 comes to a close let us reflect back on it and although pondering all that 2011 brought us may be a painful and difficult matter it is important to know what you are leaving behind. Many people I have talked to said 2011 was an unpleasant year for them; unpleasant being the lightest of words used. I unfortunately don't know very many people that would love to replay what 2011 had retained. If you had a good year don't feel like you have to disengage because this may speak to you in a contradistinctive way. I'm going to tell you pieces of my story since this is a "diary" and everything and although I'm going to share a little more about myself I am going to do it without detail for some obvious and not so obvious reasons.

    This year had been a year full of unexpected changes for me. They were changes I never had asked for, then there were some that I felt forced to make, and then there were others that I had to make on my own. Many were ones that I am not proud of. They were ones made from a disengaged mind; a mind that was numbed from thinking straight, a mind that had transformed from caring to cynical, and a mind that was lost in how to make any sensable action to take. There were ones I could stop and ones that I couldn't no matter how hard I tried. I had wondered how ending 2010 so well could change into starting 2011 out so horribly, but now speculating with a clear mind I know what went so terribly wrong.

    It started out with making wrong choices: with people, with my state of mind, and even in my actions alone. Then there was an event that caused me to move three times in the past year. I never chose it and I pushed my emotions down because when I let them surface I felt a hurricane of vehemance. I didn't like that feeling one bit. Then another event happened in my life that literally caused me to lose all class I had once attained in being able to deal with people properly. The cynicism began to manifest even more so when putting myself in situations where I felt I needed to protect anything I had left. There were times when people took advantage of me and times where I recognized it and let them.

    I felt as if I was forced into positions where I couldn't escape the dirty feelings that took residence inside me. A couple more things happened to me that year that tore me apart and shook me to a place where desperation took over me. It's what I did with the pain that made a difference in my life and especially in making the past year somewhat better. As it comes to a close you have one day to make 2011 a year of remeberance. Choose to make it a year where you chose to deal with the pain in a positive way by knowing the things that happened happened for a reason. God's plan is meant for His good and no matter how grey things seem in the moment we will one day see how His plans fit together for our good.