Rationalized

    I made a mistake this past weekend and without going into any details I can reassure you that I never want to do what I did ever again in my life time. I had a taste of something so bitter and compared to the sweetness of a life dedicated to God it tastes worse than just that. It tastes more like poison, a substance that is out there to steal, kill, and destroy a life and I don't mean those three words because it's in the Bible and widely used to describe what the devil set out to do because in reality anything negative that would screw you up is what he is going to throw at you no matter what form and no matter what way. He wants to ruin you and put you on a path that leads to death. Even though I feel as if I am being extremely religious by some of these "churchy" terms it is absolutely valid for the situation at hand. I attempted to rationalize in doing what I did letting extroversion get the best of me.

    Most of you don't know me that well. Actually pretty much all of you don't know me that well. I'm a wild child...sort of. I have a desire to go against the norm which has been a good thing for me, but sometimes I fall into doing it and going for it anyway because it's fun or at least it appears that way. In reality the things of this world are attached with hurt, brokeness, foolishness, and pain which eventually brings death. I'm headstrong and determined which can be a bad thing or it can be a good thing. Sometimes I have let it get the best of me, but when I realize it I try to make lemonade out of lemons. I've been through so much and I know without a shadow of a doubt for me to still be here is nothing short of a miracle.

    I thank God that I'm an analytical person and that I keep finding myself running back to Him no matter what season I just walked through. My story is long. It's more than intense; it's reality. I'm still writing the chapters of my life and I want the next chapters coming up to be about something more than just a broken life. I want those broken chapters to turn into beautiful chapters. I want my hurt and pain to produce more than just scars. My story isn't over yet just because I made a wrong decision; it's just beginning because I'm taking my wrong decision and making a right one in reply.

Scrutinized

    Hello again, so many things on my mind keep stirring in my head. I'm going to write what is bothering me most however because I think everyone should read this with an open heart. I'm writing this in a light mannered position, yet I'm being serious because it isn't something to mess with. Assumptions get you into trouble. Assuming people do things for a reason that you think or an appearance that you see is outrageous. I've had this problem too. I'm sure not all sugar and spice, but I'm working on viewing others in a new light instead of the cynical, jumping to conclusions manner that once had been a problem for me. Maybe your assumption is true. Maybe one person is doing something for attention.

    Is it our job to scrutinize them? No, it isn't. Maybe that person doesn't have a great home life, their mother or father beat them, they are ignored and made fun off, people gossip and make assumptions just like you did, or maybe they just want to feel loved. In my previous entry I mentioned that we are not the ones in charge of judging others. I still stand by that firmly. Assumptions hurt people and I am pretty sure no one would want another assuming that you do the things you do just to get attention or that you portray yourself the way you do as if you have a materialization that you don't. As not only a church kid, but a pastors kid I have been the victim of scrutiny as I'm sure everybody has been.

    Stopping this starts with yourself. I choose to stop myself before making an assumption about somebody else before I know what is really going on underlying in their heart. Their intentions may be good; they may be bad, but who are we to say? Let me say that if you really want to know what is going on then you would take the time to listen to their story which they may gladly tell or they may not and if they don't then you have to learn to be okay with that. It's their life. They are being who they want to be for the reasons they may or may not want. Stopping this starts with yourself, if you don't want it then don't make someone else's life harder by being selfish or indignant.

Mistaken

    Church is a good thing, don't get me wrong, but when it comes to lofty glances however you may feel different about it. You make one mistake and then all of a sudden you are viewed as the church whore. I know the way God views me. He does not define me from the mistakes I've made. He does not scold me for making irrational choices. I am His child. You are His child whether you accept it or not. He is just waiting patiently for you to run in to His open most loving arms.

    My name is Elaina Grace Morgan and this is my blog. I dare to say the things that most people would be too afraid to. I'm speaking my mind. I happen to be a PK. PK - no, not a Prideful Kid or always on my Praying Knees or Popcorn...Kernels? - a pastor's kid, I'm a pastors kid who has been mistaken for someone I'm not. Being a pastor's kid does not define me at all. Being a PK people randomly assume I pray all the time, read my Bible every hour, sing hymns in my car, and say "God Bless You" to everyone I meet. "Oh Holy Lord!! I pray to thee!!" Heck no, I'm only human. I miss a prayer before meals at times and forget to read my Bible somedays just like anyone else does. Does this mean I'm any less righteous?

    Who knows? What I do know is I love God and God loves me DESPITE my past and sometimes I lose sight of that because I let other people blind me. Notice that I said "I" let people blind me. I let them blind me with shoving my past back into my face, looking at me with pity, and even treating me as I do not belong. Why is the church established? It is established so that sinners may come to the cross and grow in their relationship with God. I need not let them push me away from where I belong which is at the foot of the cross; a place where I am accepted for who I am or who I was and forgiven for my past or present. I definitely have had my past and my share of secrets.

    But hasn't everybody? Just because I made one mistake in the past does not mean I'll make it in the future and even if I do it isn't anybody else's business. It's between God and me. My business is not other people's business unless I involve them in it and I'm sure most people would agree to that if they were thinking about their own business. So why do we feel as if we have a right to be involved in other people's?

    Church people make mistakes as much as those who don't go. Like I mentioned church people can be the most judgemental people you meet or they can be the kindest people you meet. It all depends on the person you meet and your point of view. It has nothing to do with whether you go to church or not; whether you're male or female; or even whether you're black, white, Asian, Latino, or mixed. I'm not bashing church. I am simply stating that it is not our job to judge others. It is God's job and God's job alone.

    Let us look upon our lives instead of others; view and examine our own hearts instead of others; "look at the plank in our own eye before pointing out the speck in someone else's."

To be continued..