Escaped

    As 2011 comes to a close let us reflect back on it and although pondering all that 2011 brought us may be a painful and difficult matter it is important to know what you are leaving behind. Many people I have talked to said 2011 was an unpleasant year for them; unpleasant being the lightest of words used. I unfortunately don't know very many people that would love to replay what 2011 had retained. If you had a good year don't feel like you have to disengage because this may speak to you in a contradistinctive way. I'm going to tell you pieces of my story since this is a "diary" and everything and although I'm going to share a little more about myself I am going to do it without detail for some obvious and not so obvious reasons.

    This year had been a year full of unexpected changes for me. They were changes I never had asked for, then there were some that I felt forced to make, and then there were others that I had to make on my own. Many were ones that I am not proud of. They were ones made from a disengaged mind; a mind that was numbed from thinking straight, a mind that had transformed from caring to cynical, and a mind that was lost in how to make any sensable action to take. There were ones I could stop and ones that I couldn't no matter how hard I tried. I had wondered how ending 2010 so well could change into starting 2011 out so horribly, but now speculating with a clear mind I know what went so terribly wrong.

    It started out with making wrong choices: with people, with my state of mind, and even in my actions alone. Then there was an event that caused me to move three times in the past year. I never chose it and I pushed my emotions down because when I let them surface I felt a hurricane of vehemance. I didn't like that feeling one bit. Then another event happened in my life that literally caused me to lose all class I had once attained in being able to deal with people properly. The cynicism began to manifest even more so when putting myself in situations where I felt I needed to protect anything I had left. There were times when people took advantage of me and times where I recognized it and let them.

    I felt as if I was forced into positions where I couldn't escape the dirty feelings that took residence inside me. A couple more things happened to me that year that tore me apart and shook me to a place where desperation took over me. It's what I did with the pain that made a difference in my life and especially in making the past year somewhat better. As it comes to a close you have one day to make 2011 a year of remeberance. Choose to make it a year where you chose to deal with the pain in a positive way by knowing the things that happened happened for a reason. God's plan is meant for His good and no matter how grey things seem in the moment we will one day see how His plans fit together for our good.

Faithful

    No matter how far you run from God, He'll go that far to deliver you. Sometimes we don't understand why we go through what we do because it seems asinine and purposeless. It doesn't matter how hard we try to understand and grasp onto the things that we can't comprehend and especially the things we can't possibly see any good come from. We get frustrated and irritated at God because our tiny minds can't fathom how His plan can seem so cruel, but He doesn't mean for it to be cruel at all! He has a purpose that we may not see because our minds are so limited compared to His.  I've learned that if we aren't careful and if we meditate too long on what God has put in place no matter the depth of complication doubt can start to creep into our lives.

    We wouldn't develop the character we are supposed to. The definition of develop also means to prosper. Prospering is succeeding or to be enriched! He will begin to reveal the Word that changes the course of our destinies. It's easier for us to have faith in something we want to happen, but harder for us to have faith in things we desperately don't want to see or want to go through. I believe we have a tougher time accepting this especially because you can feel so careless about the situation because you start to grasp this concept. Truth is you're not being careless. You can care down to the depths of your heart and it can still afflict you while still being aware of the truth. Ecclesiastes 3:4 says, "There is a time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance."

    We have to be careful we don't sit in our pain too long. We don't want to miss out on the action God wants us to participate in. There may be other people out there hurting as much as you are and if you are sitting in your hurt you won't be able to help others with theirs. We need to be in constant prayer for those who are broken praying for our own brokenness as well in order for us to be healed from the things that knock us off our feet. I believe people need to pray for those who are hurting so they won't be lost in anger towards God in the midst of these situations. One day we will stand face to face with the One we call creator and we will have to give an account for all that we have done. That is when we will see how He fit all of those puzzle pieces together. Now is the time to start having faith in the seemingly impossible and thank God for these hopeless situations we face.

    "When I'm lost in the mystery to You my future is a memory because You're already there."
"One day I'll stand before you and look back on the life I've lived. I can't wait to enjoy the view and see how all the pieces fit"
"Standing at the end of my line waiting at the other side and You're already there."
 -Casting Crowns "Already There"

Re-purposed

    You may be sitting there today feeling lost, abandoned, and alone. Rest assured God is right by your side walking beside you through whatever type of rain that may be pouring on you. Whatever you are going through, whatever battles you face are to make you stronger. I want to speak to the brokenhearted respectively. You are not alone in your brokenness. Everyone out there has at least been broken apart once and if you don't see it then it is because they try to mask their pain or they were delivered from it. They either bury their pain within or they deal with it.What you choose to do with your broken heart is your choice.

    You can let it run your life or you can be in control of it. Broken hearts produce anger which produces bitterness which produces a hard heart and bitterness takes a lot of chiseling away at in order to make that heart soft again. Bitterness is like poison you aren't able to taste right away. You think that holding a grudge against someone will hurt them, but in all actuality it hurts you the most. It takes a lot to transform a bitter heart into something sweet. It takes a lot of adaptation to be able to think pure thoughts about the things that hurt you. You have to completely reshape the way your thinking and look for the best in everyone and when someone does something that offends you that is when you give it to God and meditate on pure things, but maybe you just feel broken.

    You may feel broken about the things you can't control, the person you can't change, or the revision of your life. Instead of sitting on those broken pieces of glass pick them up and throw them away. God won't just put those pieces back together because He doesn't want us to still be something with the cracks still there. Instead He takes those pieces, melts them down, and makes us a completely new vase from the very pieces that once were broken. We still remember how broken we once were, but we are now able to carry what He has for us. He re-purposes us, reshapes us, and heals us. Psalms 34:18 declares that, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit." He will comfort you and will save you from your pain.

    He won't leave your side when you enter a storm. He'll assist you in what you need to be able to get out of that storm safely and untouched. He isn't going to abandon you and tell you to fend for yourself. God does His part and we must do ours. We have to have faith that He'll deliver us. We need to believe that He is still there for us, that He'll guide us safely over the obstacles we come to, and that He will do everything in the timing that He knows is best to do it in. "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end," Ecclesiastes 3:11. We may not be able to see why we have to walk in the rain a little longer than we see fit, but when we reach the end we finally see the destination that He intended for us to arrive at that we wouldn't have seen if we ducked out of it in the way that seemed easiest for us.

    We have to remember that God knows best and that He will mold us into what His beautiful purpose is for our lives despite what hardship we have to get through to get there. Those hardships could produce something in us that might have not been there if we had it our way. We might miss a valuable lesson or we may miss out on an opportunity to tell others about our experience that may help them get through something in their lives. Whatever the reason it's there for one whether we think it beneficial or not. Anything that is of God's plan is for a greater purpose in which we can rest our hope in. So be encouraged to keep on fighting and try it with a good attitude this time. It's amazing what God does in our hearts when we thank Him in our time of need.

Directed

    God has a purpose for our lives. So why is it so hard for us to get in tune with God so that we may be able to know what His purpose is for our lives? It's because we're impatient, stubborn, lost, broken, unsure, disonnected, hurt, or several of these interwoven together, or something totally different than what I have mentioned. All of those are our reasons, our setbacks, our excuses because we don't see the goodness of His plan for our lives when in reality our plans are only going to hurt us or delay us. It puts us in a position where we could miss out on something He is telling us when His intent has never been to hurt us or confuse us, but to guide us into better decisions and greater things than anything we would have ever dreamed for ourselves.

    God is a BIG God and there is no way his dreams for our lives are ever going to be little or just average and even if His plans aren't what we expected for our lives it is not because He is out to get us, drive us insane, or make anxiety pierce through our hearts. It is because He has something already in store for us whether we can see it or not. There is beauty in the mystery of not knowing where you're headed because it produces a faith that can't be compared to anything else. The greatest elected are normally the least expected, but a lot of us just keep running from God and we all have our different reasons for it.

    Those reasons may be because we are not able to see our worth when we're worth so much. They may be because we are chasing something else when God is chasing us or we may be disconnected because we were hurt. We may be too afraid to step forward when all we're trying to do is protect ourselves. We may be getting rejected all because that rejection is God's way protecting us from something we do not see. We may be getting neglected because it's His way of telling us He will always acept us. We may be hearing no, no, no because it's His way of telling us that His timing is better or He has something else for us. We may feel like we're walking alone, but really the footprints were His because He carried us. God transforms our pain into gain even if we have been running.

    Just because we've ran away for so long doesn't mean He can't use us anymore. One day He'll use it to help others along if we let Him. I can be one of the most stubborn people in the world and some things have taken me way longer to get through my head than others because it usually was I wanted what I wanted and tried to pretend I didn't care about what He wanted, but every single time I turn back to God because I know He is what I really am looking for, not because it's easy because it sure hasn't been. You have to get over the pessimism all over again after escaping a situation like problematic ones of your past that you've gotten out of by choice, rejection, or compulsion. No matter what way you absconded the matter God can still use you.

    You may feel like the trash you've done is too abhorrent to be looked over or used, but that's not true. We have to believe that He can deliver us so that He may direct us where we're supposed to go. We have to be congruous to what He has for us. We need to listen. We need to trust in Him for what we're looking for. When we are looking for answers He won't ignore us. He will answer us in His timing with His answer. It may not be what we expected, but He is starting to point us in the direction we are supposed to walk. As long as we are continuing towards Him we are already in His will and that's when he will start revealing things to us.

Perseverance

    Ever sick of trying for the same thing over and over and over again? I'm sure we all are, especially if we are taking tumble after tumble in what we are trying for. The audience I'm aiming towards are the people who feel like a failure time and time again. A lot of times this applies to our walk with God. We think, "Oh I did it again! I'll never be good enough. This is the billionth time. I'm DONE trying." We have all had this mindset whether it was in your walk with God or whether it was just practicing your free throws for the game coming up. It's frustrating when you just can't get a hand on things, but keep in mind we all need help from a coach who knows his stuff better than we do every once in a while.

    If we are without someone to mentor us in the areas that we are just mediocre in then we'll never grow to be as successful in achieving our goal as we hope to be. Instead of sitting around waiting for things to get better we have to take action. I've learned that change requires action in order for something to be accomplished. If we truly want what we are striving for then there is no measure that won't be taken to reach the destination you want to be. It's nothing new to your ears, but "if you fail to plan, you plan to fail." We all need to have a blueprint of what we are aiming for in mind.

    If you are going to give up then you are always going to fail. So why quit? I believe I've mentioned this verse before, but Romans 5:3-5 says, "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. and hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” Perseverance produces great things! If we just call it quits because it hurts to keep falling then we are never going to rise up to our potential.

    We already know that we are going to suffer in our weakness so it is alleviating to know that it can produce something so beautiful from something that was once so ugly. We are always going to have weaknesses here and there, but when we let it produce perseverance then we can absorb even more great things from that alone. If we overlook our failure in a way where we learn from it and continue to get back up on our feet then it shows character: the kind that says you are stronger than you look, the kind that shows you're braver than you feel, and that very kind that makes you more courageous than you speak. Last but not least we all know from the verse that character produces hope. God is the source of ALL hope, that very hope that keeps us going. I find it strange that the verse mentions hope last.

    But if you take a look at the verse and meditate on it, really how ironic is it? You might be confused about the placement of jargon in Romans 5:3-5. Yes, if perseverance produces character and character hope, then perseverance can produce hope. Perseverance is persisting in a course of action, purpose, or belief; but hope is what keeps us going in that direction. I believe the placement of these words have a hidden meaning. Hope is what keeps us going and if we persevere then the hope that it produces is the hope that will make it easier for you to stay on that path. So the hope you can have now is the hope that things will get better and the hope you'll have after you actually persevere is that things will get easier as you keep on going. So remember when we feel as if we have nothing left remember that we still have hope.

Restless

    Do you find yourself worrying often? Are you dealing with anxiety, depression, stress, fear, or maybe even all of the above? I know I had been. With my heart knotting, pulse racing, and pain shooting throughout my body I had decided enough was enough. Since when was all of those from God? God is a God of peace. He isn't the author of such feelings. He even speaks against them in His Word. Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

    We need to offer whatever is weighing on our hearts to God who is the only one who can give us rest. We need to be in prayer giving thanks despite our circumstances. Whether we are sick or healthy, rich or poor, have somewhere to call home or have nowhere to call home it is crucial to give thanks to He who made you. I feel a sense of peace when I give thanks no matter what I just went through or what I am in the midst of going through. God is the source of all hope. It's image  spills over with such beauty because it keeps us going. Hope is what gives us an urge to fight again, compulsion to get back up when we have fallen, and a yearning to keep going forward. Hope keeps us from giving up.

    Psalm 42:5 gives us a clearer picture of this,“Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” Would you give up if your hope was in the Lord? The underlying meaning to this is that our thoughts do have an affect on how we live. If we think thoughts of hope then we develop mannerisms based on that. If we believe we can do something we are more likely to do it than if we doubted that we could. Our thoughts have a lot to do with why we feel the way we do. Positive thinking has been literally proven to give you a healthier life. How do we approach this in order to become successful in doing so? Even though I have already stated the most important actions to take (praying, giving thanks, reading His Word, and putting our hope in Him) I believe we can do more.

    I'm not trying to portray a heavier emphasis on this next part, but a sense of some sort of importance to what I'm about to write which is that we need to take responsibility for our thinking. We can't blame it on everything else that is under the sun because truth is they are your thoughts and no one else's. We have some power to change our thinking. Those negative thoughts that pop up in your head are coming from somewhere within. What is the number one step to change that? That one step is really quite simple after you make a habit of doing so. We need to stop that negative thought and change it into something positive. I'm not saying that you can't be realistic because if that were the case then I would have already said forget about it.

    I like to laugh about a lot and make fun out of everything that I can make fun out of yet I am someone who is realistic - no funny business when it comes to serious matters, but keep in mind that realistic does not mean pessimistic. Pessimism leads to depressed states. It is a coping mechanism which causes you to diminish the reality of a traumatic situation. It is okay to be angry or sad about something for a couple of days, but when it occurs over a long period of time it develops habitual problems. That anger and sadness starts to ferment. That is a good indicator that you need to change your thinking and quick! When a negative thought comes to mind begin by molding it into something new. It's as if you are reshaping an inaccurate sculpture of something into an accurate image of it.

    For example, if you are doubting God's or someone's love then remind yourself of the acts of love you have been shown in the past. If you are thinking that you'll never be delivered from a circumstance you are facing then remember that God delivers and that everyone goes through seasons of pain - not just you. If you are upset about the way someone treated you change your mean thoughts from: "They are so heartless or they don't know how to drive! (followed by you calling them names you wouldn't want your pastor to hear)" to: "Maybe they are having a bad day or maybe they didn't have as good of a driving instructor as I did." Positive thinking goes a long way. It literally can add years to your life and change stress, depression, and anxiety to healthy ways of living. So think twice and try doing your best at optimistic thinking.

Avenged

    Ever have the desire to thrust revenge upon someone who hurt you? You might be thinking, "Oh no, where is she going with this?" Let me tell you that it is something pretty dang good, something that I can't wait to share. We think of revenge as something negative, right? Well yeah, most of the time it is. Talking about someone behind their backs because they talked about you behind yours is not right. You might have that monster inside of you who wants to jump out in envy because you want to get back at someone for what they did.

But let's think, what good would that do? It wouldn't do any. So how can we twist this to tame that monster eating away at you? Think of it like this: the devil wants you to get revenge on the person who wronged you because it stirs up strife within causing dissention between the two of you and even within yourself because you start to have a hard time choosing right instead of wrong so you can please that desire. What if I told you there was another way to gratify it without being wrong in it? I believe that there is so hear me out.

    The devil is the one who is causing the problems in your life. He's the root of it all even though it is very easy to blame the person who did wrong because it happened by a choice they made, but we would please the devil even more if we gave into revenge, something he wants us to fall into, because it makes a little problem grow into a bigger problem. The Bible says in 2 Timothy 2:23-25, "Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth."

    He also says in Proverbs 10:12, "Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses." Revenge is a sign of hatred. So instead of being revengeful towards those who you are supposed to love be revengeful toward the one you're actually allowed to despise and hate with all of your heart. Avenge yourself by not taking the matter into your own hands. Let God handle the judgement of other people because when we "try" to take over His job we will end up being the one who will be judged for how we handled it and we'll make a little problem bigger. Strike revenge on the devil by not falling into his tricks.

Forgotten

    As I wrote in my previous entry forgiving is forgetting. It might have been misunderstood and perhaps I wasn't clear in the point I was trying to make so I'm going to expound some more. It has to do with so much more than just forgetting about what had happened in order to forgive. It is more profound than that. Yes, we are supposed to forget so that we can forgive. Let me explain: we forget about our mistakes, the wrong we have done, and the wrong other people have done toward us to an extent.

    What I mean by "to an extent" is that we don't forget with a blind eye. You wouldn't leave a bank robber alone with five hundred dollars of your very own money. We forget by not bringing the situation back up and rubbing it in someone else's face. Relating to being able to forget about something wrong you have done means not beating yourself up about it and not letting it bring you down. Instead we remember it in a sense of letting it make you a better person or protecting yourself from making the same mistakes.

    We wouldn't keep putting ourselves in a situation where someone keeps wronging us. We can forgive them and let it go, but not make ourselves susceptible to becoming a victim once again. It really can be a touchy subject and you have to be wise, but when in doubt you take it to God, see what His Word says, and you pray and ask for wisdom to help guide you in the matter you are facing. We wouldn't want to make ourselves vulnerable to situations that would throw us right back to where we started so taking it to God is the number one step you should take.

Forgiven

    I don't have an idea about what I should write today except what is lying in my heart. When words won't form from the mind I take them from the heart. We all have to deal with the repercussions of our mistakes some being worse than others. Consequences for one sin may be worse than the consequences for another yet we all will be judged the same for the sins we have committed. It is alleviating to know that I have a God who forgives all sin, but sometimes our problem isn't the struggle of knowing that He forgives us.

    For you it might be harder to forgive others than it is to believe you are forgiven by God. One thing I have learned is that unforgiveness plus time produces bitterness and let me tell you that bitterness festered over time is harder to let go compared to dealing with it in the very moment where forgiveness needs to take place. It only gets harder. It's dangerous. Hebrews 12:5 says, "Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many." Corruption is the fruit of bitterness and I'm sure no one wants to see that take presence in their lives. Although this has been a problem for me in the past I have learned that getting that one snide remark in or giving that one displeasing look for my own satisfaction is not worth my time.

    Forgiving myself for the wrong I've done towards other people has been more of the struggle I'm facing today. It cuts me deep when I learn that I've hurt somebody whether it was my intention in the moment or not. I end up reflecting back and trying to figure out why I've done what I did. Most of the time I do know the cause of my actions or words, but it doesn't mean they were right. Even if I have a reason for what I did it doesn't justify my actions or words no matter how much I try. That is where God comes in. If we can't forgive ourselves then how are we going to be able to connect to God to reach our fullest potential?

    Just like the Bible tells us to forgive one another we must forgive ourselves. Unforgiveness towards others produces them pain and sorrow and I believe the same goes for ourselves. If we can't forgive ourselves then we aren't expressing any growth within. We are focusing on the hurt and the situation when with forgiving must come forgetting. If we don't forget then are we really forgiving one another? It belittles the other person in the situation just like it starts to belittle you when you don't forgive yourself. I believe one tool in learning to forgive others and even yourself is learning how to love deeply. If you love then you care. If you aren't loving then you aren't caring. Rest in this if anything, God is love and God forgives all. We are to shape ourselves to become as much like Him as possible. If we work on loving one another and even ourselves then we will be able to forgive.

Rationalized

    I made a mistake this past weekend and without going into any details I can reassure you that I never want to do what I did ever again in my life time. I had a taste of something so bitter and compared to the sweetness of a life dedicated to God it tastes worse than just that. It tastes more like poison, a substance that is out there to steal, kill, and destroy a life and I don't mean those three words because it's in the Bible and widely used to describe what the devil set out to do because in reality anything negative that would screw you up is what he is going to throw at you no matter what form and no matter what way. He wants to ruin you and put you on a path that leads to death. Even though I feel as if I am being extremely religious by some of these "churchy" terms it is absolutely valid for the situation at hand. I attempted to rationalize in doing what I did letting extroversion get the best of me.

    Most of you don't know me that well. Actually pretty much all of you don't know me that well. I'm a wild child...sort of. I have a desire to go against the norm which has been a good thing for me, but sometimes I fall into doing it and going for it anyway because it's fun or at least it appears that way. In reality the things of this world are attached with hurt, brokeness, foolishness, and pain which eventually brings death. I'm headstrong and determined which can be a bad thing or it can be a good thing. Sometimes I have let it get the best of me, but when I realize it I try to make lemonade out of lemons. I've been through so much and I know without a shadow of a doubt for me to still be here is nothing short of a miracle.

    I thank God that I'm an analytical person and that I keep finding myself running back to Him no matter what season I just walked through. My story is long. It's more than intense; it's reality. I'm still writing the chapters of my life and I want the next chapters coming up to be about something more than just a broken life. I want those broken chapters to turn into beautiful chapters. I want my hurt and pain to produce more than just scars. My story isn't over yet just because I made a wrong decision; it's just beginning because I'm taking my wrong decision and making a right one in reply.

Scrutinized

    Hello again, so many things on my mind keep stirring in my head. I'm going to write what is bothering me most however because I think everyone should read this with an open heart. I'm writing this in a light mannered position, yet I'm being serious because it isn't something to mess with. Assumptions get you into trouble. Assuming people do things for a reason that you think or an appearance that you see is outrageous. I've had this problem too. I'm sure not all sugar and spice, but I'm working on viewing others in a new light instead of the cynical, jumping to conclusions manner that once had been a problem for me. Maybe your assumption is true. Maybe one person is doing something for attention.

    Is it our job to scrutinize them? No, it isn't. Maybe that person doesn't have a great home life, their mother or father beat them, they are ignored and made fun off, people gossip and make assumptions just like you did, or maybe they just want to feel loved. In my previous entry I mentioned that we are not the ones in charge of judging others. I still stand by that firmly. Assumptions hurt people and I am pretty sure no one would want another assuming that you do the things you do just to get attention or that you portray yourself the way you do as if you have a materialization that you don't. As not only a church kid, but a pastors kid I have been the victim of scrutiny as I'm sure everybody has been.

    Stopping this starts with yourself. I choose to stop myself before making an assumption about somebody else before I know what is really going on underlying in their heart. Their intentions may be good; they may be bad, but who are we to say? Let me say that if you really want to know what is going on then you would take the time to listen to their story which they may gladly tell or they may not and if they don't then you have to learn to be okay with that. It's their life. They are being who they want to be for the reasons they may or may not want. Stopping this starts with yourself, if you don't want it then don't make someone else's life harder by being selfish or indignant.

Mistaken

    Church is a good thing, don't get me wrong, but when it comes to lofty glances however you may feel different about it. You make one mistake and then all of a sudden you are viewed as the church whore. I know the way God views me. He does not define me from the mistakes I've made. He does not scold me for making irrational choices. I am His child. You are His child whether you accept it or not. He is just waiting patiently for you to run in to His open most loving arms.

    My name is Elaina Grace Morgan and this is my blog. I dare to say the things that most people would be too afraid to. I'm speaking my mind. I happen to be a PK. PK - no, not a Prideful Kid or always on my Praying Knees or Popcorn...Kernels? - a pastor's kid, I'm a pastors kid who has been mistaken for someone I'm not. Being a pastor's kid does not define me at all. Being a PK people randomly assume I pray all the time, read my Bible every hour, sing hymns in my car, and say "God Bless You" to everyone I meet. "Oh Holy Lord!! I pray to thee!!" Heck no, I'm only human. I miss a prayer before meals at times and forget to read my Bible somedays just like anyone else does. Does this mean I'm any less righteous?

    Who knows? What I do know is I love God and God loves me DESPITE my past and sometimes I lose sight of that because I let other people blind me. Notice that I said "I" let people blind me. I let them blind me with shoving my past back into my face, looking at me with pity, and even treating me as I do not belong. Why is the church established? It is established so that sinners may come to the cross and grow in their relationship with God. I need not let them push me away from where I belong which is at the foot of the cross; a place where I am accepted for who I am or who I was and forgiven for my past or present. I definitely have had my past and my share of secrets.

    But hasn't everybody? Just because I made one mistake in the past does not mean I'll make it in the future and even if I do it isn't anybody else's business. It's between God and me. My business is not other people's business unless I involve them in it and I'm sure most people would agree to that if they were thinking about their own business. So why do we feel as if we have a right to be involved in other people's?

    Church people make mistakes as much as those who don't go. Like I mentioned church people can be the most judgemental people you meet or they can be the kindest people you meet. It all depends on the person you meet and your point of view. It has nothing to do with whether you go to church or not; whether you're male or female; or even whether you're black, white, Asian, Latino, or mixed. I'm not bashing church. I am simply stating that it is not our job to judge others. It is God's job and God's job alone.

    Let us look upon our lives instead of others; view and examine our own hearts instead of others; "look at the plank in our own eye before pointing out the speck in someone else's."

To be continued..

Stay Tuned

Here's a brief description:


I got this idea out of nowhere and decided that it should be about the struggles and problems church kids face today.


COMING SOON.