Sleeping With Sin

    Lust is a big problem in society today and I don't have to tell anybody that. It is obvious that you pass the objects of its affections on billboards, on everything from internet to television to magazine ads, you see it in the mall on store front windows and you see it walking the halls at school or at work.  It is a struggle that I have personally gone through and a battle that I face every day, as most of my faithful readers know. I have talked about this subject a lot in the past, but today I am going to touch on something different (feel free to look back at my previous posts for more). It's not something you should hide and it's not something you should be embarassed about because let's be real - 99.9% of people go through it. That statistic is made up, of course because there is no real way of knowing unless I am God. The point I'm trying to make is that your church may not be talking about it or they may be judging you by it, your parents might be acting as if they have no idea that you're going through it, and at some point in your life as a Christian you probably were or are getting mad at God that sex before marriage is sin.

    I am familiar with that "logic". I am familiar with wanting it. I am familiar with not caring anymore. I'm familiar with thinking my relationships will work despite it being in the mix.  I'm familiar with it, period. I'm also familiar with the mind of Christ, thinking upon things that are holy, admirable, lovely, and pure. I am familiar with the struggle of going back and forth. I'm familiar with wanting the things that God wants for me. I'm familiar with the pain it brings when those relationships don't work out. You hear a lot of people tell you to not focus on the negative, but when it comes to sin looking at the negative can become an advantage because the negative effects always outweighs the seemingly positive effects of it. Most of us have developed this addiction based on not feeling loved or even because of insecurity or greed. Well guess what? God doesn't want to see you mask these problems with more of them. He wants to heal you, completely heal you and He doesn't want to strip away your fun either. 1 Corinthians 6:9 says - "Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor those who practice homosexuality..."

    Those are not my words especially because most of my life I would not have been inheriting the kingdom of God for walking in habitual sin concerning this. Not inheriting the kingdom of God is the bigger picture, but there is also a smaller picture. Why does He tell us this if not to protect us? He tells us this for so many other reasons. Take masturbating, my biggest struggle. If we're so used to pleasing ourselves then when we do have a husband/wife it will be harder for them to fulfill our sexual desires. A friend gave me a great quote a couple of weeks ago or so: "If you keep masturbating and stimulating yourself, when your husband (or wife) comes, you will be fighting in the bedroom because you are so used to pleasing yourself" - Dr. Lorneka Rahming Joseph. It is the same with having sex before marriage or looking at pornography. If you really love the person that you have married then you are going to have such a hard time when these images pop into your head. You will constantly have to be rebuking these. Even in something as basic as having an ex who you've never slept with can be dangerous if you do not rebuke the temptation to compare everyone with them and the temptation to dwell on them.

    God doesn't want you to date or entertain just anybody, for your own sake. Think about it. It can be hard even to be in a healthy relationship if you've had an ex, or even if you've had somebody that you've entertained hurt you. You have to go through a long, painful process of God healing you of trust issues, insecurities, wounds from any kind of abuse and more. It is so much easier when your first relationship is your last relationship, but for those (including myself) who have already been in an unhealthy relationship, or even in many unhealthy relationships, there is still hope. I know because I see healing in my own life. It sure does kill, but I know that sand doesn't become a pearl without the clam going through a painful process. I believe that one day, I will see complete healing from those wounds and that I'll see that healing also happen in many of you. So I will end this post with saying that listening to God never fails no matter what He's speaking to you about. Trusting God to heal you never does either. We're all striving towards the finish line. We're all facing some sort of battle. Why not be here to uplift and help each other along?

Dancing With Demons

Dancing With Demons

By: Elaina Grace Morgan

At the club dancin with demons.

Would you be dancin with yo booty up on Jesus?

It's a vivid image.

I know.

It should be makin you cringe.

I know.

You were made for beauty.

Instead you're quenching the thirsty -

Twerking -

It's one of the worst.

Shakin yo booty ain't gonna to get yo booty into heaven,

Inert.

Why you flirtin

With the enemy?

He's a coy little smile watchin,

Sayin cheese.

Well girl, do it like sweet brown and run fo yo life.

There's a fire and you ain't just gonna be burning for the night.

We all fighting in the world for purity.

And you ain't be fightin' right if you're of the world promoting promiscuity.

I can guaran-tee one of you is offended with me.

But I'd rather be real than pretend -

Ya know what I mean?

Honey - You know I'm all for originality.

But you're still - initiating

Every stimulus - you're intimating subliminally

Just happens to be the same

Call-me-lame.

It ain't sexy.

Talkin' Jamie Fox ya-boy

You think you fox-y 

Talkin about shawtys disrespectfully.

There blamin it on the alcohol

Well I'm here with real cannonballs

Knockin down your walls-call it

Truth.

Whatchoo talkin 'bout?

Willis thinkin you the illest

But your girl here keepin it the trillest.

You blamin it on the alcohol when you're the one puttin it in yo mouth.

The truth came in and the truth came out.

Jason Deru- Who?

I'll tell you what you do.

Look to the one and only Author of truth.

Now ya can't blame me for staying silent

Cuz I'm spreadin the truth kinda like a virus.

"V" is for Victorious, not Victoria's Secret

    Today while singles are complaining about not having a Valentine and couples are complaining about trying to make last minute reservations, while the majority of men who are of this world actually view this day as Happy "V" Day and while the majority of women in this world view this day as the only day where love means they get shiny gifts of jewelry and sweet gifts of chocolate, while Hallmark is making big bucks off of last minute purchasers buying cards with cheesy Valentine's Day poems in them and flower companies are running out of red roses to sell, let's just stop and remember what love really is. Love isn't just a word; it's an action, it's a person whose name is Jesus. I could take this post in a number of different directions. In fact, I already wrote this post and deleted every paragraph that was already written except what I have written above. Isn't God funny? I had written all about what love is and what love isn't, but then God showed me the ideal act of love.

    Well today I fully believe that God wants me to write about forgiveness. He has already spoken that clearly to me and I feel such peace about it. How many of us have been hurt by an ex? I know I have! Well what I'm about to write is something that God wants you to apply to every relationship that you've had and every relationship that you will have. I went through two major heartbreaks this past year by breaking off an engagement and another relationship after that. I can't say that I was completely devastated because I was thankful God had revealed what He had to me, but I can say that I was severely damaged and upset, and rightfully so. I had asked God to help me to forgive and after that I really thought I had done so. Wrong. Every single time someone would bring up something related to the situation I could feel my face heating up. You could say that my blood was boiling out of bitterness, but Ephesians 4:31-32 says, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

    It wasn't long ago that I started reading the book Bait of Satan by John Bevere. I'm actually still in the middle of it and I am being utterly wrecked by that book so far. I feel like an advocate for this book because I would recommend it to anyone and everyone. It helped me understand so many things that I was in need of understanding and it helped me realize the importance of forgiving from the heart. I was severely wronged and you might be reading this and relating to that admittance. You might have been cheated on over and over again, you might have been raped or molested, you might have been lied about, abused and misused, you might have been thrown in jail for something you did or didn't do, you might have had your purity stolen from you or you might have given your purity to someone who told you that they loved you but didn't mean a thing they said. Guess what? I've been there and I understand the pain that you're feeling deep inside. I understand the tears that well up in your eyes at night. I've been there. I know what pain is. But beloved one, He says in Luke 6:37 - "Forgive, and you will be forgiven." If we negate the premise, it negates the conclusion. "Don't forgive, and you will not be forgiven."  Do not put limits on forgiveness. Someone could have been utterly wicked to you, but we still sinned against God while He was blameless. The same goes for you and forgiving yourself. What a slap in the face it is that God forgave you and you cannot forgive yourself. His grace allows you to be FREE from your past iniquity. It changes us, wrecks us, reforms us, restores, and transforms us!

    He forgave a debt we could NEVER repay so how dare we not forgive a small debt in comparison to that. (See The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant in Matthew 18:21) They might never change their ways, but you do not want to live the rest of your life being stagnant because you've held onto those offenses. There was one quote from Bait of Satan that struck me (along with several others I might add): "We are to be so far removed from avenging ourselves that we willingly risk being taken advantage of again." Now please don't take that and put yourself in a position where you could risk getting abused again. We are also told to use wisdom, but what a revelation that is. Luke 17:3-4 - "So watch yourselves. "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times he comes back to you and says, 'I repent,' forgive him." Romans 12:20 - "On the contrary: 'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." What a blessing it is to love those who do not love you back!

    One of my favorite Bible stories lately has been the one of Saul and David. David loved Saul, he looked up to Saul as his leader! They were super close, best bud status. But Saul grew jealous of David and sought to end his life. David was devastated. David ran for his life! (Oh, Sweet Brown ha ha! That YouTube video is absolutely hilarious.) Anyways, David had the chance to have revenge two times. The first time Saul was pursuing him vehemently. Saul had gotten close enough to kill him, but he didn't even know because David had hid in a cave. David could have taken Saul's life at the swing of a sword, but instead cut Saul's jacket and made an appeal to him of his innocence and integrity. Saul left, but even after knowing David's heart Saul went after him again intentionally. The second time David could have gotten revenge was when him and his military leader, Abishai, went into Saul's camp while they were sleeping. Despite Abishai's encouragement to kill Saul, David would not relent his stand. He refused to avenge himself and ultimately proved the purity of his heart. Romans 12:19 - "Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord." Only God's justice is righteous! Later on in the story we find out that Saul dies at the edge of his own sword. What was David's reaction? He mourned. Not only did he mourn; he composed a song in his honor. That is truly the definition of a man after God's own heart.

    This past week I also realized that I had an offense toward a place that I needed to forgive (yes, a place). I was angry about all of the things that happened there. I want you to realize from this that it is possible to have bitterness in your heart that doesn't even concern people. You might have bitterness in your heart towards, say, Valentines Day. You might not have gotten chocolate or flowers or even somebody simply telling you that they love you. Well first, I want to say that I love you dearly and Jesus loves you perfectly. I encourage you to look at this day as one out of many days to celebrate the definition of love. Jesus is SO worthy of your glory, honor, and praise! You can do what I do and use this day as an excuse to buy yourself a box of chocolates or (as long as you can afford it) use it as an excuse to buy a shiny piece of jewelry from Jesus. (It works!) Also, radiate the love of Christ to those around you. If He lives inside of you then you should be that light of love. SO many people need to be aware of how much they are really loved especially on Valentines Day, but also on every other day. I'll leave you with this: love your brother, love your enemies, love strangers! God knows each and EVERY single one of them personally and remember this Valentines Day that "V" is for victorious, not Victoria's Secret. This means living a life of forgiveness.

Synthetic Love

Synthetic Love

By: Elaina Grace Morgan

It was the summer of 2000 whatever when I was wrapped in a blanket of synthetic love.

I had known that real love was wrapped in swaddling clothes..lying in a manger.

But this kind of blanket birthed a stranger to it.

I didn't see that this blanket was fabricated

By lies and manipulation,

Dedicated constantly to seeing me come to the end of my rope,

Dedicated to pushing and shoving me so that I'd lose all of my hope..

Even if it meant tattooing a name on me - hypocrite.

Yet the next day supposedly God's grace was sufficient,

And it really only applied to it..

In every relationship.

I became weak.

I heard of intoxicating love,

But I was intoxicated by drugs at the end of the week.

So much pressure on every side of me that somehow freedom was too far off,

Because I had forgotten my worth

With every single abusive word.

It was not too long after being freed from that

That synthetic love decided to come back in a new form.

It wrapped me up again,

Reminiscing wanting to play pretend.

It really took God uncovering all that He needed to mend

For me not to think and feel obligated..

To bend over backwards to please synthetic love,

That real love

Hanging up on that cross,

Rich in mercy

Made me fearfully..

Intricately.

Sticks and Stones, Honey

    Most of you who know me on a personal level know that I'm a very sensitive person. When I'm not thinking deeply I'm feeling deeply. Well this past year I have probably felt more emotions than every year of my life combined, but let's throw it back a few years. In 2011 I felt the Holy Spirit come into my life and lead me for the very first time. I was freed from addictions. In 2012 after coming back from backsliding I gained a little more wisdom. In 2013 I thought I was entering into ministry that came in the form of what I desired to do for the Lord. If you can call it ministry then it would have been best described as masked ministry. It ultimately put me right back into the very thing it preached against. In this time of my life I am gaining more wisdom than ever before mainly in the subject of the spiritual realm. I blindly stepped into the season I'm gladly exiting out of. I did not have much knowledge of the Word as a whole at the time.

    Besides being sensitive I'm also someone who believes the best in people, gives people second chance after second chance, and someone who trusts in man too easily. Man, has that gotten me into a lot of trouble and my heart broken time and time again. That's how I got to the place where I am now. Psalm 118:8 - "It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in humans." I sure am in the process of learning this now and if I would have learned it a year and a half ago I would have saved myself a lot of pain which is why I am sharing this with you all. I was talking to a wise pastor a week ago who asked me, "Would you leave a child molester alone with your children?" I thought the question was absurd! "Of course not," I exclaimed enthusiastically! I immediately had to take responsibility for letting people into my life that were not only sinning against me, but tempting me back into sin. (Note - We are all responsible for our own actions.)

    You might be saying, "Well I already failed that and now I'm broken as ever." Well there's good news. God heals! I'm going to quote my tweet from earlier today: "Let's be real. Emotions can suck. But God heals and that healing INCLUDES your emotions, not just the physical! Rest in His presence" (Psalm 107:19-21, Psalm 30:2, and my favorite Psalm 147:3). This past year I was called everything from a whore from the same lips who did the same thing to delusional and crazy for listening to what the Holy Spirit was telling me. I suffered many accusations that weren't true because of my sin and for letting there be cracks in my life for demons to enter into. I texted my spiritual mommy in tears while I was at work about how hurt I was to keep myself from going off the deep end and into real insanity from all that I've had to endure this past year. She simply told me to look at it from a spiritual perspective and that God will heal my broken heart. Yesterday I realized that God is doing two more amazing things in me by going through this: 1.) He is purging me of my pride and getting rid of all my self-sufficiency and will. 2.) He is teaching me the fear of the Lord.

    This little girl who was once made fun of for being so sensitive is also learning to not care what people say about me or scheme against me because God knows, and if I take into consideration what He thinks about what's going on all around me then I don't have to worry or defend myself. Words, words, words? They're sticks and stones, honey. I've spent the last three months trying to defend myself and fight for worth and it didn't work, but thing is, none of us have to! God avenges (Psalm 94, Nahum 1:2, Deuteronomy 32:35). God says you're worthy (Psalm 139:13-15, Jeremiah 29:11, Luke 12:6-7). Take rest in that, weary soul.

(Credit to Anthony Young for the photo. Go like "The Reading Group" on Facebook)

The Power of Prayer

    I'm just getting back into praying because if I were honest with you all then I would let you know that I am exiting a season of disobeying and into a season of communicating. I've been in and out of this habit of prayer a few times in my spiritual walk with God and I cannot say that when I was out of this habit that I had a relationship with Him. I am now doing better with this, but only because I have been spending time getting to know Him all over again. I've said it several times: you cannot have a relationship with someone who you're not communicating with. It's easier said than done however. It's easier to get out of the habit than back into the habit. I want to bring to your attention Jude 1:20 - "But you, dear friends, by building you up in your most holy faith, and praying in the Holy Spirit.." So how important is prayer? Let's find out.

What does prayer do?

•  It brings you the promises of God.

1. Take note - We are not to ask with the wrong motives (James 4:3).
2. (James 5:13-15, John 14:13-14, Ephesians 1:13, Acts 2:38, Matthew 13:11)

•      It brings us into the presence of God.

1. When we call someone up on the phone we enter into their presence through conversing with them.
2. (Psalm 145:18, Luke 6:12, Exodus 3:14)

•   It brings us the wisdom of God.

1. (James 1:5, 1 Corinthians 2:13, 1 John 4:1, Proverbs 17:27, Acts 16:25)

Does God answer all of our prayers?

    God answers every single one of our prayers, but not always in the way we want him to. Sometimes the things we ask are not beneficial to us, beneficial to others, or line up with the will of God.

What are God's answers?

• Yes. (Prayer moves the heart of God; prayer with the right motive that is.)
• No. (Like I stated above not everything that we pray is in the will of God. He knows best.)
• Wait. (Sometimes our timing is off. Scratch that. A lot of the time our timing is off. When it is God's timing things will go smoothly. You won't have to push to make things happen and you won't have to pull anyone or anything on your own bandwagon.)

    I hope that this will help you get back on your knees and talk to our Heavenly Father. He yearns to have intimacy with you and me. I don't want to see believers rise up, but lower themselves in humility to the Father's teachings; because it is only then when we can rise up with the right heart and focus. If you would like to tell me all about how you're doing with this or if you simply need prayer for anything you are welcome to e-mail me at: confessionsofachurchkid@gmail.com

Forgiveness Like A Crown

Forgiveness Like A Crown

By: Elaina Grace Morgan

I know that I have forgiven

When the tightness in my chest loosens

And the substance of my heart softens..

Towards that person.

I know that I have forgiven

When I realize that we're all human

No matter how wicked

And when forgiveness..does not mean revenge

But me leaving them in my Father's hands
To avenge

And that my hand..

Will not touch them.

So that I don't sow discord among the brethren.

I know that I've forgiven

When I realize my own flaws 

And disobedience to the law of holiness,

When I realize that I'm a mess

And I need Him to desperately heal my brokenness,

And reteach me about what trust is.

I know that I've forgiven

When I learn that I am worth it,

Repentance,

Forgiveness..

Like a crown.

Drown me now

In Your grace.
Come, let Your love abound.

Carry Us

Carry Us

By: Elaina Grace Morgan

Is there an end to this season?

Maybe one day we'll find out the reason,

But I don't dare to count this as the fifth year

Because I hold onto hope that maybe,

Just maybe the end is near.

So..until then
We're all learning now that we don't lap up what others spill;

But that we wait for what God reveals.

Holy Spirit bear witness.

Bring us discernment

Of these words, words, words.

Bring us all into one accord

While we pray

And supplicate.

Separate..the lies from the truth

In our hearts

And start a great healing among us.

Keep the violation far from our memory

And carry..us far..far away from stagnation

By furthering us along on the road of salvation.

Testimony Tuesday - Brent Harris

    My name is Brent Harris. My parents met and married in church. Because of that, my life had a covering. I never saw my parents do drugs. I went to church every week and grew up within a godly home. At the age of 13 I dedicated my life to Christ. The Bible says for "All have sinned..." I knew my sin as a child was just as bad as the thief who robs a store. I vowed to serve Him all the days of my life. It hasn't been easy. The world has many temptations and many times I considered leaving the church in pursuit of what the world calls fun.

    On Jan 19,2014 I will marry the love of my life. I am 23. I have never kissed any woman including her. Our first kiss will be at the alter. I am a proud virgin. She is the only woman I have ever dated. I look back at my life and know without a doubt my life is blessed because I served my Savior even when life got hard. 

    To those who are reading this: Serve God. The Bible says "the pleasures of sin is only for a season." If you're a church kid you have a covering over your life, don't take it for granted. We serve an awesome God who truly cares about us. Nothing in the world can bring joy, like the joy of salvation.

God bless,

Brent Harris

San Antonio, TX