In my last post I mentioned some of the things I've gone through without much detail for several apparent reasons. I didn't write about my brokenness to be sympathized for, nor did I write it to show you that what I had been through was what made me who I am today. No, it wasn't what I went through that made me who I am today. It was what I did with it. I sacrificed it all. I gave up all the things that gave me momentary happiness so that I could get to know who God is better so that I could experience true happiness. Honestly that's the only reason why I wanted God.
It was then that I realized that life won't always be joyful whether you believe in God or not, whether you believe in a different God or the one who I call savior, or even whether you feel like you deserve happiness or not. As I'm writing to you now I am not ashamed to tell you that I am not happy. I'm not satisfied, but I recall a time when I was. I was broken just like I am now. I couldn't feel Him just like I can't at this very moment. However, I know He is there. I know He is because as I look back to every time I fell to my knees begging to feel a little bit of His presence I have felt it. I didn't always feel it in the moment.
Sometimes I'd have to wait months before I saw the work evident in my life. It took enduring all the hardships I faced, big and small. It took faith and believing in the things unseen. God doesn't leave you out to dry. He works according to His own timetable, not ours. Society teaches us to demand what we want and to demand that we want it NOW! That reminds me of that one annoying commercial where person after person shouts, "I want my money and I want it now!" How annoying would it be if we constantly demanded things from God and told Him what to do? Maybe God has a different plan for you or maybe His plan for you is to wait. A dear friend reminded me of a song that I listen to when I've just about had it and when my patience gets thin. I'm going to post the song below:
God doesn't make you wait so you get annoyed. He's not cruel. He isn't the cause of your problems; although He does let you go through the things you do so you'll grow and learn things you wouldn't have if you had a perfect life. If life went smoothly we wouldn't need to have faith in God to pull us through it which would take away our reliance on God. If we don't need to rely on God then we don't need Him. We may wonder why God lets others say hurtful things to us, but He isn't the one saying those things. People are people and when it comes to careless people hurting you whether they say they are Christians or not we have to keep one thing in mind. In Luke 23:34 Jesus says, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." The guy who told you that you needed to wear more make-up and go tanning didn't realize who he acting like. God made you in His own image. What we may view as imperfections he views as perfection. He made everyone the way He had in mind. He didn't mess up your skin color or facial features.
God loves you just the way you are. He loves you despite what others say and will continue to love you no matter what you look like, no matter what mistakes you make, and no matter what you do. God doesn't just show love; he is love. As Christians we are supposed to shape ourselves after Him and lead pure lives. When we treat others other than what God would have treated them like then we are giving God a bad name. God, being love, is also shaped after all the things that love is as stated in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
Love never fails. God is love. Therefore, God never fails. I want you to replace the word love in those verses and put God in its place. We are supposed to shape ourselves after God. So we are supposed to be patient and kind. We are supposed to shape ourselves after the characteristics in those verses. Sometimes we don't understand who God is completely. He is a mystery that we'll never be able to comprehend. We won't be able to fathom His omnipotence and understand His ways. If we were able to understand it all then God wouldn't be as big as we say He is. We have to understand that sometimes we won't understand it all. If you're anything like me I have such a hard time with that. It frustrates me when I can't wrap my hands around something and that is when I have had to learn to have faith in the One who knows everything, the One who has a picture in mind, the One who can fit all the senseless little pieces into a masterpiece.
To be continued...
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