Time To Get Real Y'all

    It's time to get real. I'm cool if anyone wants to judge me after they read this because I am secure in Christ and I rest my head in what I know God says about me. No one's perfect and I accept that I am far from it, but I know I'd be even further from it without Christ. I am just SO taken by His love and all that He has brought me out of that I have to share with you what He has done in my life. I was talking to someone a few months ago. This person doesn't know Christ, but we had been talking about the Christmas party that we had and they had mentioned that I seemed like I was high there. I was so shocked at this because I hadn't been and I knew the reason why it seemed that way. I was so overcome by stress and depression that I had numbed myself to everything that was going on in my life because that whole year I had been hurt terribly by several people. In that I had lost myself. I was broken. It was like I was in a fog. I went through life not even feeling like I was living and to this very day I barely can remember any of it. That was because I wasn't living in God's plan for my life. I was far from it.

    You see I had been introduced to sexual sin in the fourth grade. I was so young that I didn't know what to do with it. I didn't know the depth of what God was saying when He said to refrain from ALL fornication before marriage. I was embarassed to ask my parents to clarify it and so I continued on that path. Did I mention I'm a pastor's kid? I didn't think that would go over very well. Anyways, I continued on that very path. I had struggled with it for so long that it had become an addiction. I was bound by it and I had once been delivered from it, but I fell back into it when I felt pressure and gave into it once more because of the people I had let speak into my life and because I felt that that was what love was. My view on love was so twisted then. At the time I had been going through other things that had put me in that place of depression. I had lost sight of God, but God did NOT lose sight of me. I remember a time where I felt so gone that I thought I wasn't even worthy enough to pray to the God I believe in.

    I had fell in deeper as time went on. I was stuck in a position with no where to live that ended up leading me to live with my boyfriend at the time. I knew it was wrong, but living with him seemed better than living on the streets. In the way I was focusing on it being better than living on the streets it was, but in the spiritual aspect there was nothing better about it. I felt stuck and I didn't know how to get out of this situation. I ended up deciding to give talking to God a try and I found myself always praying the same, short prayer in the shower when I had a chance to be alone, "God, I don't know how to get out of this. Help." I felt abandoned by all and I had nothing left to give. Now this didn't go away just like that. My boyfriend at the time ended up kicking me out the day after he told me he loved me for the first time so that he could be with another woman. It hurt me A LOT, but I didn't fight it because I knew this was what I was asking for. Deliverance from all the sexual sin I had been in wasn't an easy journey. It took work. It took encouragement which I'd often have to do for myself because I was often condemned for my struggles. No one wanted to listen. They just wanted it to stop, but like I said, it wasn't easy. After 10 years of struggling I was set free. God had delivered me from the place I was in and the process sure did hurt, but the healing and hope that I felt once again was WELL WORTH IT. I decided to share this with you because I want you to be encouraged. He saved someone like me and He can do the same for you. I believe in God because without Him I'd be in the same place that I once was: hopeless, depressed, bound by my lust, bound by pill popping, and suicidal. If you're struggling don't be ashamed to seek help from someone you trust. Remember that anything is possible in God and TO HIM BE THE GLORY.