Sticks and Stones, Honey

    Most of you who know me on a personal level know that I'm a very sensitive person. When I'm not thinking deeply I'm feeling deeply. Well this past year I have probably felt more emotions than every year of my life combined, but let's throw it back a few years. In 2011 I felt the Holy Spirit come into my life and lead me for the very first time. I was freed from addictions. In 2012 after coming back from backsliding I gained a little more wisdom. In 2013 I thought I was entering into ministry that came in the form of what I desired to do for the Lord. If you can call it ministry then it would have been best described as masked ministry. It ultimately put me right back into the very thing it preached against. In this time of my life I am gaining more wisdom than ever before mainly in the subject of the spiritual realm. I blindly stepped into the season I'm gladly exiting out of. I did not have much knowledge of the Word as a whole at the time.

    Besides being sensitive I'm also someone who believes the best in people, gives people second chance after second chance, and someone who trusts in man too easily. Man, has that gotten me into a lot of trouble and my heart broken time and time again. That's how I got to the place where I am now. Psalm 118:8 - "It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in humans." I sure am in the process of learning this now and if I would have learned it a year and a half ago I would have saved myself a lot of pain which is why I am sharing this with you all. I was talking to a wise pastor a week ago who asked me, "Would you leave a child molester alone with your children?" I thought the question was absurd! "Of course not," I exclaimed enthusiastically! I immediately had to take responsibility for letting people into my life that were not only sinning against me, but tempting me back into sin. (Note - We are all responsible for our own actions.)

    You might be saying, "Well I already failed that and now I'm broken as ever." Well there's good news. God heals! I'm going to quote my tweet from earlier today: "Let's be real. Emotions can suck. But God heals and that healing INCLUDES your emotions, not just the physical! Rest in His presence" (Psalm 107:19-21, Psalm 30:2, and my favorite Psalm 147:3). This past year I was called everything from a whore from the same lips who did the same thing to delusional and crazy for listening to what the Holy Spirit was telling me. I suffered many accusations that weren't true because of my sin and for letting there be cracks in my life for demons to enter into. I texted my spiritual mommy in tears while I was at work about how hurt I was to keep myself from going off the deep end and into real insanity from all that I've had to endure this past year. She simply told me to look at it from a spiritual perspective and that God will heal my broken heart. Yesterday I realized that God is doing two more amazing things in me by going through this: 1.) He is purging me of my pride and getting rid of all my self-sufficiency and will. 2.) He is teaching me the fear of the Lord.

    This little girl who was once made fun of for being so sensitive is also learning to not care what people say about me or scheme against me because God knows, and if I take into consideration what He thinks about what's going on all around me then I don't have to worry or defend myself. Words, words, words? They're sticks and stones, honey. I've spent the last three months trying to defend myself and fight for worth and it didn't work, but thing is, none of us have to! God avenges (Psalm 94, Nahum 1:2, Deuteronomy 32:35). God says you're worthy (Psalm 139:13-15, Jeremiah 29:11, Luke 12:6-7). Take rest in that, weary soul.

(Credit to Anthony Young for the photo. Go like "The Reading Group" on Facebook)