We Live

We Live

By: Elaina Grace Morgan

We live in a land where consequences for your actions 

Is "persecution",

Telling the truth is 

"Accusation",

And who you are is 

"Speculation" from people who merely read what you write.

We live in a land where "love" is infatuation,

Where a woman's "not" pregnant at conception

Despite its definition,

Where saying sorry is meaningless defiant

"Reparation".

We live in a land where if something's not perfect,

It results in abolition,

Where big boobs, a big butt, and a tiny waist

Is viewed as "perfection",

And where caring about somebody's heart

Is nothing but a preconceived notion.

We live in a land where the world wide web

Is a huge, ugly, steel door for pornographic imaginations,

Where "love" is only a quick and fleeting sensation,

And where relationships have no healthy expectations.

We live in a land where we don't even follow our own constitution,

Where our freedom of speech is conditioned,

Especially if you're a Christian.

We live in a land where the church has become the epitome

Of selfish devotion,

Where helping the needy has really become "stagnation",

And where the church doesn't even know the meaning of Jesus's resurrection. 

We live in a land where very few things see consummation,

Where there's few that actually know the meaning of consecration,

And where so many people quit this walk 

Because of condemnation.

We live in a land where condemnation is confused with conviction,

Where we don't have to work out our salvation,

And where people don't have the encouragement to change

Because of excommunication.

We live in a land where -

Well you get the point.

What is the point of this life..

That we live if not for a greater purpose..

To rise above the status quo..

And put a stop to this.

What is the point if not to reject what we've learned

And accept more of what our Creator knows?

His promise.

Synthetic Love

Synthetic Love

By: Elaina Grace Morgan

It was the summer of 2000 whatever when I was wrapped in a blanket of synthetic love.

I had known that real love was wrapped in swaddling clothes..lying in a manger.

But this kind of blanket birthed a stranger to it.

I didn't see that this blanket was fabricated

By lies and manipulation,

Dedicated constantly to seeing me come to the end of my rope,

Dedicated to pushing and shoving me so that I'd lose all of my hope..

Even if it meant tattooing a name on me - hypocrite.

Yet the next day supposedly God's grace was sufficient,

And it really only applied to it..

In every relationship.

I became weak.

I heard of intoxicating love,

But I was intoxicated by drugs at the end of the week.

So much pressure on every side of me that somehow freedom was too far off,

Because I had forgotten my worth

With every single abusive word.

It was not too long after being freed from that

That synthetic love decided to come back in a new form.

It wrapped me up again,

Reminiscing wanting to play pretend.

It really took God uncovering all that He needed to mend

For me not to think and feel obligated..

To bend over backwards to please synthetic love,

That real love

Hanging up on that cross,

Rich in mercy

Made me fearfully..

Intricately.

Sticks and Stones, Honey

    Most of you who know me on a personal level know that I'm a very sensitive person. When I'm not thinking deeply I'm feeling deeply. Well this past year I have probably felt more emotions than every year of my life combined, but let's throw it back a few years. In 2011 I felt the Holy Spirit come into my life and lead me for the very first time. I was freed from addictions. In 2012 after coming back from backsliding I gained a little more wisdom. In 2013 I thought I was entering into ministry that came in the form of what I desired to do for the Lord. If you can call it ministry then it would have been best described as masked ministry. It ultimately put me right back into the very thing it preached against. In this time of my life I am gaining more wisdom than ever before mainly in the subject of the spiritual realm. I blindly stepped into the season I'm gladly exiting out of. I did not have much knowledge of the Word as a whole at the time.

    Besides being sensitive I'm also someone who believes the best in people, gives people second chance after second chance, and someone who trusts in man too easily. Man, has that gotten me into a lot of trouble and my heart broken time and time again. That's how I got to the place where I am now. Psalm 118:8 - "It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in humans." I sure am in the process of learning this now and if I would have learned it a year and a half ago I would have saved myself a lot of pain which is why I am sharing this with you all. I was talking to a wise pastor a week ago who asked me, "Would you leave a child molester alone with your children?" I thought the question was absurd! "Of course not," I exclaimed enthusiastically! I immediately had to take responsibility for letting people into my life that were not only sinning against me, but tempting me back into sin. (Note - We are all responsible for our own actions.)

    You might be saying, "Well I already failed that and now I'm broken as ever." Well there's good news. God heals! I'm going to quote my tweet from earlier today: "Let's be real. Emotions can suck. But God heals and that healing INCLUDES your emotions, not just the physical! Rest in His presence" (Psalm 107:19-21, Psalm 30:2, and my favorite Psalm 147:3). This past year I was called everything from a whore from the same lips who did the same thing to delusional and crazy for listening to what the Holy Spirit was telling me. I suffered many accusations that weren't true because of my sin and for letting there be cracks in my life for demons to enter into. I texted my spiritual mommy in tears while I was at work about how hurt I was to keep myself from going off the deep end and into real insanity from all that I've had to endure this past year. She simply told me to look at it from a spiritual perspective and that God will heal my broken heart. Yesterday I realized that God is doing two more amazing things in me by going through this: 1.) He is purging me of my pride and getting rid of all my self-sufficiency and will. 2.) He is teaching me the fear of the Lord.

    This little girl who was once made fun of for being so sensitive is also learning to not care what people say about me or scheme against me because God knows, and if I take into consideration what He thinks about what's going on all around me then I don't have to worry or defend myself. Words, words, words? They're sticks and stones, honey. I've spent the last three months trying to defend myself and fight for worth and it didn't work, but thing is, none of us have to! God avenges (Psalm 94, Nahum 1:2, Deuteronomy 32:35). God says you're worthy (Psalm 139:13-15, Jeremiah 29:11, Luke 12:6-7). Take rest in that, weary soul.

(Credit to Anthony Young for the photo. Go like "The Reading Group" on Facebook)

Testimony Tuesday - Brent Harris

    My name is Brent Harris. My parents met and married in church. Because of that, my life had a covering. I never saw my parents do drugs. I went to church every week and grew up within a godly home. At the age of 13 I dedicated my life to Christ. The Bible says for "All have sinned..." I knew my sin as a child was just as bad as the thief who robs a store. I vowed to serve Him all the days of my life. It hasn't been easy. The world has many temptations and many times I considered leaving the church in pursuit of what the world calls fun.

    On Jan 19,2014 I will marry the love of my life. I am 23. I have never kissed any woman including her. Our first kiss will be at the alter. I am a proud virgin. She is the only woman I have ever dated. I look back at my life and know without a doubt my life is blessed because I served my Savior even when life got hard. 

    To those who are reading this: Serve God. The Bible says "the pleasures of sin is only for a season." If you're a church kid you have a covering over your life, don't take it for granted. We serve an awesome God who truly cares about us. Nothing in the world can bring joy, like the joy of salvation.

God bless,

Brent Harris

San Antonio, TX

The Dangers of Dabbling With Demons

    So for a while I have been contemplating about whether or not I should post what I am about to post because I knew I was going to get a lot of backfire and accusations in return for it as well as people telling me I haven't forgiven and so on and so forth, but after spending some time with my sweet Savior I feel led to move past what people think. HE has something to say through all of this, and I would have to say that the thing I struggled with most was lust. As most of my consistent readers know I was introduced to masturbation at nine years old. It became an addiction that if I didn't partake in it, then I wouldn't be able to go to sleep until maybe about 2 and sometimes 3 in the morning. I experienced the Holy Spirit for the first time in 2010. It became all too real for me for the first time in my life. It wasn't my parents' faith, it wasn't my friends' faith; it was my faith. It was personal now, me and Jesus.

    I was FREE from an addiction I had for ten years just like that. You see it's still something I struggle with at times though the power of prayer, the power of COMMUNICATING with the Son of God makes it easy to say no to. I fell several times since then particularly one relationship a year ago that I went into. I was free from this addiction for months when I woke up masturbating one night. I felt absolutely, utterly DISGUSTED. I look back at it with a new perspective on spiritual warfare and now I see that it was a demonic spirit that I had let into my life through this relationship. If that wasn't a good enough example for you later in that relationship I opened the door to Satan through sin which is the abode of demonic activity. (I'm SO glad I am free from these spirits now! :-))

    You see sex is more than just a physical exchange. It is a spiritual exchange. Mark 10:8 - "...and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh." What fellowship does the dark have with the light!? NONE. It is easier for someone to pull you down than it is for you to pull them up especially when lust is involved. In God's Word adultery is spoken about A LOT. I believe it is Satan's main choice of weapon especially in this day and age. Like I said when you sleep with somebody it is a spiritual exchange. Whatever they are dealing with in the spiritual realm you will start to experience and yes, sleeping with demons is possible. (Genesis 6) Towards the end of that relationship I started dealing with spirits that I had never dealt with before. Right now I am trying to be wise about the depth of what I share about this so I pray that from what I am sharing you all will see the importance of this warning.

The Dangers of Dabbling With Demons and Sitting With Satan:

1. Death. (We know the wages of sin is death. When you dabble with demons you will have more close calls to it as you have stepped out from under the hand of God's protection for your own desires. I experienced many close calls when I was sitting in this kind of sin of disobedience by not running from it where death tried to grab me. Of course God has more power than Satan and demons combined could ever have. Satan is not God's equal. Every knee WILL bow and every tongue WILL confess HE is Lord.)
2. Feelings of being stuck. (The reality is you are stuck if you're trying to get out from under this influence in your own strength. Cry out to God and ask Him for help. Ask earnestly!)
3. Things that don't make sense. (I had an incidence where I was sitting in my car on the way home at a stoplight playing my Jesus music one day and the lady who was next to me at the stoplight rolled down her window and started screaming at me pounding the side of her SUV. I also had an experience when I was in jail because of this relationship where two girls who I also sensed demons in were making fun of this man next to me having a seizure and then they stopped and looked at me and started whispering. It was one of those things where you could just sense it. My Bible had disappeared a couple months into that relationship. I looked for it all over. After I ended that relationship I found my Bible right in one of the places I had looked.)
4. Change of behavior. (When you are living in the will of God your fruits will match up, but when you step out of it your fruit becomes rotten. I became someone who wasn't the person I had been before when I was living in the presence of Jesus.)
5. Division. (God recently had restored the relationship I had with my family back then and when this spirit was let in it sowed seeds of division and we started to divide and collapse. Satan is the head over dividing and conquering.)
6. Deceit. (Things won't line up constantly. Keep in mind that I say constantly.)
7. Disconnecting grace and the law of righteousness. (I heard many times, "God's grace is sufficient"  being abused and used as a means to manipulate and keep me stuck in the sin I was partaking in. I was called religious for wanting to live righteous. Do not let anybody tell you that...ever. Walking with Jesus is walking in righteousness.)

    Above all be on watch. STAY PRAYED UP. Demons are REAL. Ask God for discernment. Hide your heart in His Word so that you may be able to do so. TEST THE SPIRITS. Always, always take God's Word over man's. Please. This is so very, very important and vital to the body of Christ. If you need any clarification or you have any questions or comments please leave them below or e-mail me at: confessionsofachurchkid@gmail.com

I would love to talk to you and pray for you.

The Reality of Innocence

The Reality of Innocence

By: Elaina Grace Morgan

Murder capital.

Sin city.

This was around when I was 

Twenty. 

Ha.

Arrested in Flint for a crime I didn't commit -

At least this time..

 A crime..that I didn't commit.

So much injustice..

In a city of violence

This time..

I was innocent.

Later my case was dismissed.

But I want to tell you about the experience.

Betrayed.

By somebody who was supposed to love me.

But all I could think of was that

Some of these prisoners were more free

Than the people you see..

Walking on the streets.

Some of the police..

Were missing their hearts

While some of these prisoners had missing body parts.

And when I say they were missing their hearts

What I really meant was..

 That their hearts were brutally dark.

Mocked.

By men in uniforms

And I surely..don't mean

Orange..ones.

But by men and women with badges that they supposedly..earned.

Who were still given grace if they could only learn..

To accept it..

And to stop rejecting it.

If they could only learn to see..

That they were no better than anybody.

In cuffs

While I was waiting to see the judge

All I could think of was the man hanging up on the cross -

Jesus.

He was betrayed by the people he walked among..

The very people that he still died for..

To love.

The ONLY innocent man who was hung upon a tree

Gave me peace.

You are my child - protected by the blood.

All things I have worked together for your own good.

You are called according to my purpose and you've got to

Forget those who are still being remorseless.

Forgive and forget the pompous.

Move on because you deserve..

Love.

Move on..

Because I have something greater.

Someone who is faithful.

Not only..

Faithful..

To you, but faithful..

To me.

The Image of Transparency

The Image of Transparency

By: Elaina Grace Morgan

You all up on here carin' about your image like Cain

While I'm just doing damage with the transparency of what I say.

I ain't perfect.

I make mistakes.

But you just on here tryin' to imitate..

The world

With the words you spill 

And the poison you hurl on Saturday nights.

That's what I used to be like

But now on Sunday mornings I learn to be like,

Love like Christ

Instead of loving like those one stand nights.

I'm new.

Let me tell you

It wasn't worth it when the night was through.

Love with no attachments led to other people's misjudgments about me.

Slut, hoe, whore.

Well with that night I thought I won..

The heart of the man who I adored 

In place of the innocent lamb who I ignored..

Swapped..

For a man in a mask,

A man who played around like it was an important task.

Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater.
Had another and didn't love her.

Spiritual maturity like a nursery rhyme,
Recognized, realized, and brought into the light.
I was confused.
Heard so many "God bless you's."
Which "god" are you talking about!?
For the first time in my life I started to doubt
What I really knew -
The truth.
Yet the one and only God pulled me out.
I was blind, but now I can see
The ugliness of deceit.

Let this be a lesson.
Not of defeat,
But of victory and freedom..
Because He was watching over me.
Protected by the blood..
From
Wolves in sheep masks.
Always declare, "Let there be light" and ask..
For discernment,
What a beautiful, beautiful adornment.

Testimony Tuesday - Anthony Young

Who Am I?

Anthony Young

To begin, my name is Anthony Young, a 20 year old college student who lives in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, USA. I have a job at a major electronics store, and I also volunteer at my local church as a youth leader. At one point in time I was a Spiritual Coach for Groundwire.net but found doing all of what I was doing was too demanding and taxing on me, so I have been on break from that.
I love people, and believe that there is good in every single person, no matter how evil their actions may be in this world; and have been spending the past few years of my life helping those less fortunate, or being there for those who feel like they have no one to go to -- and I have been doing this all through The Reading Group.

But I wasn't always so eager to help others; I wasn't always so willing to be selfless and help others, even if they didn't want my help. There was once a time to where the only thing I was worried about was myself and my own gain. There was a time in my life where I didn't claim Jesus as my Lord & Savior.
I don't have a story that begins with "I was raised in the church" or "everything was handed to me". No; my story starts on a much different path.
I come from a single parent home, growing up with just my mother doing her best to support me and my now 2 brothers and 2 sisters. My father was kicked out while I was young, and since then my mom hasn't been able to find the one who one would consider would be "chosen by God" for her. So that has always been a struggle for her, and for myself to watch as I grew older and saw a lot of my friends with happily married parents. I hated my dad for a very long time for not being there for my mother, for not being there for me.
While growing up through school, I never really thought that I would truly use school to get anywhere in life. If my dad has left and is not making much of his life as far as what I knew, how would I possibly do any better? So I did not care about school or succeeding with anything in life. And that was just the beginning of the lies that the devil had filled my mind and my hear with; but at the time I didn't truly know better, even though I knew the 'basics' of right and wrong. So because I didn't care about school, or life for that matter, I didn't try. Once I got in highschool, I never tried - never did my homework or truly applied myself in the classroom. For I was too worried about my friends and being the 'class clown' you can say. I wasn't dumb, for I always did decent or well on my test, but not doing my homework led to bad grades. I also ended up getting into a relationship with a girl who I had a few classes with, so she was the only thing on my mind while in any of my classes. And with all of that adding up, it ended with me failing the 9th Grade (Freshman Year of Highschool)

You can say major reality check. The conversation with my mother once she found out I have failed the 9th grade did not go the way you normally thought it would go. I was expecting a lot of rage, and maybe to get beat. But she barely yelled at me - which let me know even more how disappointed she was with me; and that hurt me more than any beating ever could. I also received a phone call from my father who also told me how disappointed he was with me for following in his footsteps - for he failed the 10th grade when he was in school. And that made me hate him even more, for that was the only reason why he had called.

I was put on punishment for an entire year. For a 15 year old kid, that is the end of the world. No internet, no phone, no friends over. The only things I was allowed to do was go to school, then come home and go to my room. But I rebelled against my mother, and found ways to sneak out of the house to see the now new girlfriend who I had. But I wasn't a completely bad child. For after experiencing letting both of my parents down, I took it upon myself to make it up to them and I applied myself to school, getting straight A's

(High Marks) in all of my classes. Luckily, God saw my hard work, and I was presented with an opportunity to get back into my correct grade. I took it and began to get back on the right path. But that wouldn't last very long. For after that I would find myself heading right back on the road to destruction that I was on before.

 

THIS IS THE DEATH OF ME.

[This section contains content some may not find suitable for younger people. Just a warning. Don't worry, there's no cursing]

The following year, I began talking to yet another girl, who I eventually started dating. My life was 'back together' - from my own perspective - for I was no longer on punishment, and I could actually 'have a life". But the relationship would be the most toxic one I've ever had. I've became sexually active at this time, and the relationship became so unhealthy that the only reason why we were together was because of our addiction to lust. We've cheated on each other, because our 'love' was based on a lie. I found myself addicted to pornography. As my relationship started to drag on with this girl, I noticed myself becoming less and less happy with my life. I began to hate everything about myself because I wasn't satisfied with her or myself. Yet I could never bring myself to leave the relationship. We argued and fought, and I began to drink alcohol. My grades in school began to fall once again, and I started to not be very social with my friends.
I became so depressed with my life that I began to take pills in an attempt to numb my emotional pain and fill what was missing in my life.

And when that did not work for me, suicidal thoughts began to pour into my head. I started thinking things like "why am I even here" and "no one would care if I just ran away and died". And I began to honestly believe that to be truthful. So one day, I finally decided I would give up on life. I went to a local bridge in my town, prepared to jump off into the river and forever disappear.
I ended up telling a friend my intentions, and she pleaded for me to not go through with it. But I decided otherwise. But as I sat on the bridge, I couldn't bring myself to jump. For something just would not allow me to do so. So that attempt turned out to not happen. So I ended up going back to pills, trying to purposely over dose and not tell anyone until it was too late. But I could never successfully do that either.

The Genesis | A New Beginning 

I now see why I was always unsuccessful with taking my own life. It is because God had a bigger plan for my life than I had for myself. I didn't notice it at first, but He had placed someone in my life at a very young age who He would utilize to bring me towards Himself. A friend of mine, my very best friend since the 3rd grade, was one of the few people who I would go to with my issues. I knew his parents went to church often, and one day it was just on my heart to ask him to take me to church with him since my family didn't go. He agreed to take me with his family to church every week. It was after then that I found happiness and peace coming slowly back into my life. But still yet I was battling depression and suicidal thoughts. But another friend of mine who also happened to be a Christian invited me and my best friend to his church for a youth outreach event that they were having. And from that very day, I knew I was home.  I began going to that youth ministry on a weekly bases, and I became as involved as much as I possibly could as the Lord began to fill me with peace and the comfort of knowing the Holy Spirit. And I soon gave my life to Christ.

I have always had compassion for others, and I always went out of my way for my friends, always being that person who they could go to just to have someone who would listen to them and allow them to vent, but I was never a person who would tell people about Christ, for at that time I was not an all out Christian.

But that would all play into my role here at The Reading Group.

A JOURNEY OF A THOUSAND MILES BEGINS WITH ONE STEP.

The Reading Group started off rather coincidentally. It began with me and a Christian friend of mine, Emma, keeping each other accountable for reading our bibles. I was struggling with doing it on a daily basis, but I knew I really wanted to grow more in God. We began by both doing a reading plan together and checking on eachother on a daily basis to be sure we've read out bibles. We've like that idea so much that we brought some more friends on board to join us. We made a Facebook Group with our friends to try and get more people reading their bibles consistently. As we began to make more people join the group, we've noticed that we had reached around 100 group members. That was when I felt God calling me to make it more than just friends and classmates, but to spread this idea to as many people as I possibly could. And thus The Reading Group was born. Over the course of little under a year, our Facebook page had grown to about 1000 followers, and then Twitter had around 500. Since I was in college I knew I couldn't always be able to be online to post, so I started looking for more people to join, and that's when I started meeting some of our amazing Leaders online via Twitter and Facebook.

Now, 2 years later, The Reading Group is on almost every major social network, from Facebook, to Twitter, Instagram, Google+, LinkedIn, and an inactive Pintrest account :P

With over 2000 followers on Facebook and Instagram, and a team of over 20 leaders from all over the world. I would have never thought that God would have brought me this far, and the journey is only just beginning for this ministry. Our leaders are so amazing, for everything that they do is volunteer, out of the goodness of their hearts, willing to do whatever it takes to change the world. Because that's what this earth needs - World Changers. I would not be able to do any of this without them. [For a list of our leaders, please visit www.myreadinggroup.com/aboutus]

Too often, people live a life similar to what I have lived, living in sin, but they aren't as lucky as I am to have friends or people who they are able to go to church with, or they don't have a Godly individual to guide them to the right path. Too often, Christians just watch these people waste their lives away and say "what a shame" instead of getting up and reaching out to those people like Christ reached out for many of us who didn't just grow up in the church. That is why we are here. To do what many refuse to do and be that friend who tells people "I know someone who loves you so much that they gave their life for you.. would you like to know more about them?", or to bluntly say "the way you are living is going to land you in a pit of fire for you being stupid and wasting your life, you need to change it now." That, and so much more is The Reading Group itself. For we all love people so much that we cannot afford to see those around us perish and go to hell when we can do something about it.

THE BEST IS YET TO COME

I have not only been blessed with an amazing and wonderful team, God has been positioning this ministry to be able to work together with other ministries and organizations to help further spread the Word of God and His unfailing love.

______________________________
Anthony Young
Founder | The Reading Group
anthony@myreadinggroup.com

The Reading Group - To bring together the body of Christ in fellowship through the Word of God.
www.myreadinggroup.com
www.facebook.com/dailybiblereadings
www.twitter.com/reading_group

Member of The NEGU Family Network.
www.NEGU.org

Death To Religion

Death To Religion

By: Elaina Grace Morgan

Guys starin'

Life's barren.

Looking for strong arms to do my carryin'.

My world's a dirty turn key.

Come in and out as you please.

Please!

Are you kidding me?

I'll play your games not because I'm lookin' for love.

I'm lookin' for fun.

I know better.

I'm just caught up with what's underneath that sweater.

Truth is I got so sick and tired of poppin' pills.

Wanted to forget how I feel.

I was always real,

An open book for those who even cared to take a look.

I was hooked.

Yeah, daddy's a pastor,

But I ain't got green pastures.

Mama told me I was mental.

Church folks were judgmental.

All I needed was somebody to be gentle.

Well I was not born this way.

Other people tryin' to make me think I had gone crazy.

Sick of hearin' so I'd be blarin' Jay-Z.

To numb myself from right and wrong.

Destroyed and broken with no home.

All I wanted was a place to call my home.

Fast forward..

Moving towards

The one day that year where I spoke the only prayer I prayed.

"God help me."

Well He answered in a different way.

If you know me now

I've come a long way from then.

I believe in Jesus and it wasn't because of them.

I've gone onto eternal life 

'Cause I died to my flesh

Instead of living for my flesh

To reach eternal death.

An Honest Heart

An Honest Heart

By: Elaina Grace Morgan

I feel like I'm surrounded with darkness.

I feel too drained to deal with this.

I feel too weak to fight, so sick of wrong to do what's right.

I'm so annoyed with self pity

I have no sympathy.

You said I'm spoken for.

But I feel I'm bleeding, too broken for

You to work

In the midst of my hurt.

But I guess you spilled Your blood for the spilling of my tears,

To sprout faith from the dirt of my fears,

To soften my heart so I can care..

Again,

To gravitate gratitude back so I can win.

Your will be done so

Let my life speak loud

To point a..crowd

Back to you,

Jesus.

Save us.

Back in January of 2011

    As frustration gripped me at the heart I began to fall. I began to fall faster. I began to fall deeper...

 

 

 

Back in January of 2011...



"You're making me so tense.

Troubling worry.

Sickening suspense.

Lurking in the shadows

Armed with defense.

Waiting to grab me

Fear dispensed.

Outside drury.

Raindrops condensed

Running down my cheek.

 

Tears like a river

Flowing endlessly.

Hurts like a sliver

Digging deep into me.

My heart quivers

Like I'm shaking from the cold.

Frequent shivers

Trying to warm my soul."

 

 

 

    ...And yet God got me through it all. Through the pain He still knew every tear that I cried.

Temptation, What?

    Most of you who read my blog are following me on twitter and joining the movement that is taking place to spread the truth about the enemy's lies and plans to weasel his way into your lives one slimy little finger at a time. I have found that insecurity and greed are often the root problems causing people to fall into sexual sin. You first think your problems are small. A few negative words spoken over your life won't cause too much harm or will it? I've heard several people's stories and even taking my own into account I found that insecurity was the source of their issues. It all starts around; let's say the sixth grade and for some it starts earlier. There are kids making fun of you or your parents are saying you will never mount up to anything and so you make your first mistake. You let those words cut you deep.

    You take them to heart and start looking for acceptance in all the wrong places. We'll use my biggest struggle as an example. In fourth grade I overheard these girls talking about how much fun they had at this birthday party. These were the same girls I invited a month earlier to mine and I felt hurt that I hadn't been invited. I listened into what they were talking about and it was then where I was introduced to masturbation. At nine years old I didn't know what it was, but I then went home to later "experiment" so that I would feel accepted, but as I experimented I learned a new feeling - the feeling of greed. It made ME feel good. I felt remorse after, but I never heard it talked about in the church. As time went on it had become an addiction, an addiction that had a death grip on my life for many, many years. I couldn't sleep without it and as I got older it wasn't satisfying enough for me. I wanted to be loved, loved in all of the wrong places that is.

    All of my relationships started out as a few months of getting to know each other and then that went out the door and the relationships found a new foundation to be built upon - sex. With the first guy I would never let myself go all the way. I still felt remorse. I didn't want that in the relationship, but I couldn't stop it because I was pulled in two different directions. One direction told me this is wrong, the other lied to me saying this is love and that I want to feel "good." As I broke free from that relationship after too many fights and broken hearted nights I eventually found myself in another. It started out innocent like the first, but again a couple months later I was in the same situation as the first and a couple months after that I was in deeper. I felt pressured to give myself away, but as I engaged more and more in sex I began to numb myself to life around me so that I didn't have to feel. As a couple months passed several areas in my life crumbled at my feet. I began to become even more severely depressed than I already was and I was so stressed I developed many sicknesses and I had lost several pounds that I needed.

    I had become hysterical when that boyfriend had broken up with me right before my birthday. I had already lost all of my family and friends and here I felt as if I had no one left. I had always hung onto a quote I had made up back when I was going through hard times previously: "If you feel as if you have nothing left, remember that you still have hope." Here I was still bounded by lust and for the first time in my life I didn't even feel like I had hope left. After getting into another toxic relationship and that one also burning to the ground I had given up. Slowly but surely I got back onto the right course - the straight and narrow. I was pulled by a friend I was living with and then as life went along I felt a little more like myself, but it was painful. I had numbed myself from so much and hadn't dealt with anything that all of it came flooding back to me at once. I was still dealing with sexual addictions, but I had gained hope. I was then pushed by another friend and I found myself in the word and praying to God once again. It wasn't easy. I didn't want to do it, but He broke the chains after I learned of His strength and the authority that he had given me.

    I had hope and I began to recognize the game of the enemy. Listen up, precious ones, the enemy is a liar and his game is trickery. Don't be a product of his foolery. If it doesn't line up with God's word DON'T listen to it. Temptation only has as much power as you give it. If you feed temptation it grows, but if you starve it it dies. You have to uproot the greed and insecurity of your life because if you leave the roots the plant is always going to grow back. Kill all of it and listen to God's will. Use God's word as your shield. Spit scriptures and don't let the enemy intimidate you into silence. Do NOT give up.

Romans 5:3-4 - "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."

Dead To Sin

Dead To Sin

By: Elaina Grace Morgan

Here's my story;

A heart so filled with worry.

Riding dirty every day 

Whether sunny or dreary,

Flickin' that middle finger up in a hurry.

Learning gas pedal to the metal

Never earned us a gold medal.

I was running backwards

Trippin' on my vico,

Doing psycho.

I never got caught by the po po.

Yet I felt so low

Only focusing on my dough 

And why those guys wanted to hurt me.

Little did I know;
God could make me worthy.

No, I ain't talkin' for them.

The man I'm talkin' about was Him.

But with Jesus faith is a must.

Faith like a mustard seed says the Bible I read,

Freed,
'Cause before I was in the wrong race.

Back it up before I pop you.

Give me my space.

Clenchin' fists,

Throwin' hits till someone,
 Make me walk away.

After all these years
I got to the right place.

Finally in the running of a true race.

Watchin' for the boss and

When He's coming back.

Believin' He give me everythin'
I need and lack.

Havin' one foot in
Will just keep me stumblin' back.

Then He'd rather have me just step back.

Not 'cause He doesn't want me.

You see it's if I want Him.

He wants me getting brighter, not growin' dim.

Advancin' the kingdom by sharin' Him.
But I ain't here to try to persuade you

Or to try and sway you away with whim.

No, this is serious.

God brought me joy,

Delirious
'Cause I found His

Love so intoxicatin'

And now you find me lovin' the ones who hurt me,

Yeah, the ones who are hatin'.

I'm just statin',

I ain't baitin'.

But nothing's gonna shut me up from speakin' the truth.

'Cause I used to be datin' sin.

Now I'm waitin' like Ruth.

I'm gonna show Him

I'm a Proverbs 31 woman 

And I ain't foolin' with this sin.

That's 'cause Christ died on the cross for all of them.

I'll continue livin' right,

Walkin' by faith and not by sight
Till I die.

Why?

Like I said it was for my sins that He died.

Now He lives again and I glorify.

I ain't livin' high on those pills

All 'cause after Christ I found what was real.

Made To Be Courageous!

Made To Be Courageous

By: Elaina Grace Morgan

I chose to lose selfish and do selfless

Because that's the only way I'm livin like #Jesus.

I've been strivin to be righteous though I know I fall short.

Being courageous is contagious and He's my escort.

'Cause without Him I'd be a victim of my own sin.

Yet He changed me and now I speak of what He did.

I told them without Him I'd be living dead.

They crinkled their noses and just shook their heads.

But listen up as I explain my sustainer,

He heals our pain and bleaches the stain of us sinners.

He's had my back, the only one who can cover black with red

All because He rose from the dead to make us white and pure.

He told me to fight the good fight, taught me to endure.

He said if I persevere I would produce character.

Preached against unforgiveness that had only made me bitter.

He taught me how to love right,

 To shine His light so bright.

He gave me hope when I thought all hope was lost

And all because He, blameless, paid the cost.

I tell you it should have been me on that cross.

But what a failure I would have been.

Yet He still came to a sinful earth in the form of a man

To save all humanity.

You may be thinking what I'm preaching is insanity.

But I tell you right now what would you do if you were in my shoes,

Changed and made completely new?

Well let me tell you to me it doesn't matter.

Because it's not men whom I've come to flatter.

I've come to you tell the truth,

Show you that I am living proof

Of a life that has been completely changed,

Rearranged to glorify Him.

I've come to breathe a warning

That sin leads to death, no breath.

Crowds in an uproar to crucify,

Little did they know it was for them that He would die.

It was in Him that they'd be free.

And little did they know that Pilate's decree

Would end up bringing Him glory.

So why should I stay silent when you're all mocking me and saying God is a tyrant,

When you don't even know Him?

You think your "dim" is right because that's all you've ever known.

You think staying right where you are is alright because you've never grown.

Let me tell you I've been on both ends

And there is no way I'm ever living without Him again.

So mock me if you must

That's alright because I'm living free from disgust

of my former lustful life.

Living pure and holy and solely for my savior, Christ.

New Creation

New Creation

By: Elaina Grace Morgan

They'd call me little miss goody two shoes.

Little did they know I was wearing two shoes

Pulling me in separate directions,

One, the way of correction, protection

The other a way of defection.

When did the ways of the fool ever become cool?
When did this get to me, a duet consisting of sin and me?
I ignored the debt that was paid for me.
I let them push me, peer pressured and they used me.
Those ways never pleased me, appeased me, freed me.

Those were the ways of the men that chained me up.
They always gave me an empty cup,
Never fulfilled my thirst.
I was cursed.
Yet in His grace I had been immersed.
Through Him I have found freedom
By what I have become in Him.

I am saved by grace,
The old has been replaced
Through faith.
I am a new creation.
He has lifted my burden.
He has ended this famine.
He has given me joy to spread to all nations.
Through only Him I am a new creation.

Silky Smooth

Silky Smooth

By: Elaina Grace Morgan

I used to think having a job close to full time,

a car that I paid in full, listening to those hard rhymes,

& living without my parents at eighteen

made me all that I was supposed to be.

Little miss independent wasn't who she was supposed to be.

Then I started relying on God and in Him I had found my purpose.

He was the right compass, direction,

The protection provided to keep me from hurt,

From all that dirt that made me feel like I was worthless.

The story is I was fed all these lies from all these guys

telling me I was a loser, emotional abusers.

But hey, they were cute

and their smooth words absurd as they were

didn't bring me any closer to kicking them to the curb.

I knew those words were slurred with deception,

But I had a fear of their rejection and

I yearned for their affection.

The only way I learned to keep them was by seduction.

They were my security, a part of me.

My vision for success

was clad in a silky smooth immodest dress.

It was a plan that I ran and controlled.

It only ended up being a deadly hold on me.

This was not who I wanted to be.

That may have been success from a worldly view.

Then #God said, "I'm the only one who can make you new."

Reminded me I wouldn't be content in that and

I hadn't been in matter of fact.

I lacked the only thing I need.

No good deed would suffice until I turned my life around and gave it to Jesus Christ.

In Him I was made right and found all that I was looking for.

That very day was like I was walking through a brand new, unopened door.

God Sent

God Sent

By: Elaina Grace Morgan

I lost myself last year

because I really didn't care.

Tried to find myself,

But is it really there?

If I find her I'm not sure if I'll define her.

She was so loving, and caring, and pure.

She was so precious and giving,

 I'm sure.

She may have been beautiful,

But it's all become a little new to her.

She got lost by the incogonito.

Turned out to be all deceit though.

 Love is true.

It doesn't manipulate.

Guess it's not you

If you didn't know how to participate.

Knowing how to truly love

Only comes from knowing what's above.

It doesn't always mean finding love

here on earth

Because here it might have been birthed,

But without Him it is absent.

Love only comes from a God sent.

Loyalty

Just wrote this poem about a month ago. I like to express myself through poetry so I thought I'd share some more recent ones with you all.

Loyalty

By: Elaina Grace Morgan

I’m loyal, but I'm so sick of my heart being foiled,
From all the plans that you've coiled,
That's why I have left before my heart becomes the victim of theft.
This hurt can only wash out as easily as the dirt in your mouth.
My heart screams and shouts, no doubt.

You don’t care.
You’re blinded from everyone around you.
You’re too busy looking in the mirror.
You scheme to take every breath I drew.
Maybe take a stab at my heart or two.

The only person you care about is yourself, your health, your wealth.
Now I know the reason for your stealth.
I’m done with those lies.
I have no need to ask why

Because no reason’s sufficient
For why your love’s deficient of what anybody needs,
These lies keep growing like weeds.
Indeed, I should be done with you.
Who cares if I love you?
I deserve someone who loves me
And the only way to be free from you is to leave you be.

Aimless

Aimless

By: Elaina Grace Morgan

I know who I am.
Although I'm lost.
I know the way.
Its my choice.
I’m reaching as I fall.
With nothing left to lose.
Knowledge or poison?

I know what to choose.
I’m running aimlessly.
Trying to decide where to go.
Maybe into your open arms.
I would find inexpiable love.
But my mind can’t comprehend.
How my heart can disarm.
Love or reason?

I know what is right.
And I know what is wrong.
Love is the light.
A place where I can be strong.
There’s a war going on.
A place where darkness can’t be turned off.
Obscurity, lurking in the shadows.
We flip the switch.
And that light turns on.
Openness, shining so.
Spirit or flesh?
I know where to go.

Battle In My Head

Battle In My Head

By: Elaina Morgan

There’s a battle in my mind
Losing sight to all that I had
I know there’s something I need to find

Because I find myself falling again
Falling all over again
His love covers me
His love brings me to my knees 
And I will worship now
With all that I am
There’s a little peace in my heart
That’s filling me up again

I want to do my part and never cross the line
Because I have now realized how much of you I need
Lord, please take all of me
I know I can’t do this on my own
My failures succeed
Bringing me far from what I need

I need you, I need you to bring me through
This darkness I seem to find
It always seems to win over me
But I want to change my thoughts
I want to change who I have become
I want to change the things I have sought
Capture me with open arms